I have certainly had a week of it.
Without going into too much detail (details can be so messy, don't you think?) this week has been a turning point in my life.
I have had to stop and take stock of where I am, where I am going and trying to forget where I have been.
One of my passions is collecting inspirational quotes and verses and writings. I print them up, put them in a folder and read over them (even use them for scrapping) So many of the verses encourage one to look to the future, don't dwell on the past and in a blinding flash of realisation this week, I now know that I have been allowing my past to control and shape the person I am today.
I use the abuse I suffered as a child as an excuse to overeat, to beat myself up over how I look and how I react to certain situations, to justify allowing people to be rude to me and use me.
I am not doing my husband any favours by being like this, I am not doing my children any good being like this and I am certainly not doing myself any good by continuing to allow the past shape who I am today.
I have taken the first steps to getting some long overdue counselling for the issues that have haunted me for decades and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. What a feeling of release and empowerment. And as a very very dear friend said to me on Tuesday night -
"You need to remember to breathe again Shazzie. Because when you start to breathe then you will start to live again."
And he was right......it's like I have been holding my breath for so long, waiting for things to get better on their own. If I just allow myself to breathe I can start to live again and live the life that I deserve. I am NOT the bad, worthless person I was repeatedly told I was as child. I am a good, kind, caring person and I deserve happiness, love and strength in my life.
So thank you my friend for reminding me to breathe.....love ya lots and you know I do *wink*.
On a brighter note, Kait competed in the trials for a place at the Nationals for Physie on Sunday in Coffs Harbour. Once we got the hair right and the leotard sitting right her her tiny little bottom and she got out there and strutted her stuff, it didn't really matter that the judges didn't see what Mark and I saw through our teary eyes - our little princess out there, keeping perfect time, smiling and just having a ball.
We were so very proud of her and she was just beaming as she marched off the floor with her certificate and participation medal in hand. Love you baby girl - Daddy and I are so very very proud of you.
Jakey's drum playing took another step up this week - from "how hard can I bash these drums and how much noise can I make", to noise with rhythm to me stopping dusting mid-swipe just to listen to him play. I am sure the neighbours appreciate his perserverance too.
Matt continues to struggle with between being a teenager and despite denying it, missing being at school with his mates, to living life according to the dictates of a boss and an alarm clock. He rushes out of bed 20 minutes before he gets into the car to go off to work - hair not done, breakfast not eaten and forgets his lunch. He has a steep learning curve to climb but I am sure he will get there. Gotta have faith Mark and I have instilled the values in him that he needs to get him through life and gotta have faith that he has actually listened to what we have taught him.
My last day as a fulltime working girl tomorrow after two weeks of full time work. It has been a struggle - juggling family. work, other committments and let's not forget scrapping. Don't know how you fulltime working girls do it and I don't know that I have done it all that well but the money will come in handy with yet ANOTHER tax installment due next week.
So much for a short post......LOL
Til next time ~Shazz~
Without going into too much detail (details can be so messy, don't you think?) this week has been a turning point in my life.
I have had to stop and take stock of where I am, where I am going and trying to forget where I have been.
One of my passions is collecting inspirational quotes and verses and writings. I print them up, put them in a folder and read over them (even use them for scrapping) So many of the verses encourage one to look to the future, don't dwell on the past and in a blinding flash of realisation this week, I now know that I have been allowing my past to control and shape the person I am today.
I use the abuse I suffered as a child as an excuse to overeat, to beat myself up over how I look and how I react to certain situations, to justify allowing people to be rude to me and use me.
I am not doing my husband any favours by being like this, I am not doing my children any good being like this and I am certainly not doing myself any good by continuing to allow the past shape who I am today.
I have taken the first steps to getting some long overdue counselling for the issues that have haunted me for decades and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. What a feeling of release and empowerment. And as a very very dear friend said to me on Tuesday night -
"You need to remember to breathe again Shazzie. Because when you start to breathe then you will start to live again."
And he was right......it's like I have been holding my breath for so long, waiting for things to get better on their own. If I just allow myself to breathe I can start to live again and live the life that I deserve. I am NOT the bad, worthless person I was repeatedly told I was as child. I am a good, kind, caring person and I deserve happiness, love and strength in my life.
So thank you my friend for reminding me to breathe.....love ya lots and you know I do *wink*.
On a brighter note, Kait competed in the trials for a place at the Nationals for Physie on Sunday in Coffs Harbour. Once we got the hair right and the leotard sitting right her her tiny little bottom and she got out there and strutted her stuff, it didn't really matter that the judges didn't see what Mark and I saw through our teary eyes - our little princess out there, keeping perfect time, smiling and just having a ball.
We were so very proud of her and she was just beaming as she marched off the floor with her certificate and participation medal in hand. Love you baby girl - Daddy and I are so very very proud of you.
Jakey's drum playing took another step up this week - from "how hard can I bash these drums and how much noise can I make", to noise with rhythm to me stopping dusting mid-swipe just to listen to him play. I am sure the neighbours appreciate his perserverance too.
Matt continues to struggle with between being a teenager and despite denying it, missing being at school with his mates, to living life according to the dictates of a boss and an alarm clock. He rushes out of bed 20 minutes before he gets into the car to go off to work - hair not done, breakfast not eaten and forgets his lunch. He has a steep learning curve to climb but I am sure he will get there. Gotta have faith Mark and I have instilled the values in him that he needs to get him through life and gotta have faith that he has actually listened to what we have taught him.
My last day as a fulltime working girl tomorrow after two weeks of full time work. It has been a struggle - juggling family. work, other committments and let's not forget scrapping. Don't know how you fulltime working girls do it and I don't know that I have done it all that well but the money will come in handy with yet ANOTHER tax installment due next week.
So much for a short post......LOL
Til next time ~Shazz~
3 comments:
Dear Shazz - I am so proud of you for taking this step!!! I know you are a very, very good person and I truly believe in you. Love you heaps and heaps. Shari xxx
Good on ya Shazz, it's up to you to make your life better for you and all the people you love, you can suceed.
See, there are lots of people who think you are great, and as Trish said and as I also said in my email, you can choose to do something one way or the other.
Hugs, Marie xo
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