STUFF

i have some pretty heavy duty stuff going on at the moment and i feel like i have the weight of the world on my shoulders.
my health is suffering.
my sleep patterns are atrocious.
my time management skills are virtually non-existent.
i truly do have so very much to be thankful for and feel blessed in so many areas of my life.
it's just this one incident has crushed my spirit and this time i'm not bouncing back and i am finding it hard to be forgiving.

most of all my family is suffering because of the way i am and because of where my head is at.
so i am going to spend, what time i need, to get my mind and my soul "right" again so i can be the best wife and mother i can be to them.
they deserve nothing less.
i know what needs to happen to "fix things" and make it right.
i'm just not "there" yet.

so please forgive me if i owe you a post on your blog
(i have been trying to read all my "regulars" just haven't got the energy to comment like i know i should)
or if i owe you an email or a phonecall.

enjoy the rest of the week
~~ and remember, let those you love, know that you do ~~

~*~ shazz ~*~
xo

HMMMMM

i gave my third lot of plasma yesterday and AGAIN my blood pressure was high. not overly high but for it to have been high for my past three donations, the nurses at the blood bank want me to get a clearance from my GP before i give again in two weeks time.
so it's off to the doctor on monday to go through the motions.
YES...i am taking anti-inflammatories that are known to cause stroke, heart attack and BP
NO...i can't stop taking them
YES...i have a family history of hypertension (both maternal and paternal sides)
NO...i don't want to go on BP meds (i'm only 42 for crying out loud)
i don't know what the doc will say but i am not going to stress about it.

mark and i had a good talk about it all last night and he thinks that maybe the events of the past month or so (the death of the four boys, their funerals and extended family stresses) haven't helped. and i tend to internalise a lot of my stress - walk away from conflict rather than have it out with whoever is causing me grief.
i don't know...*SIGH*

i am off to a scrapping day organised by my LSS on saturday...now THAT'S a great way to de-stress. a day of scrapping and being with like-minded ladies.
don't know what goodies we will be making - it's never a straight "bring your stash along and crop" kinda day that julie organises.
it's always fun though and they put on THE best lunches and morning and afternoon teas.

i am also looking forward to heading up to ipswich to a Christmas crop with the fabulous EMM ladies, on december 3.
and spending the day and the night with my gorgeous ruthy.
the only downer is that so many of the girls who live too far away won't be able to make it but ruthy and i have devised a way to at least get the gorgeous miss marie to be there with us.
and no....i'm not telling....you'll just have to wait and see.
*WINK*
i will stay with ruthy in toowoomba on the sunday night and work my way back home on monday through brissy, stopping in to visit the new ikea and some scrapping stores i want to check out.
should be a blast- can't wait !!!

i know that the three of us are all looking forward to the EMM retreat in march next year - i am so excited about FINALLY meeting my gorgeous gal, marie, and her and ruthy and i all being able to spend time together - scrapping and laughing and talking - that i talk about it here at home all the time.
mark and the kids actually banned me from any retreat talk for a few days last week cause they were sick of hearing about it.
*LOL*

and that is all i have to waffle on about today.
have you visited some blogs today and left a nice comment...???
let's all try and spread some happiness and love about the place.
i've sent some emails off to some girls who i know were devastated by what has been written on certain blogs in the past few days - i hope they helped to brighten their days and helped them smile.

take care everyone and have a happy friday
~~ and remember, let those you love, know that you do ~~

~*~ shazz ~*~
xo

PICS TO SHARE

not much to report.

been doing a bit of scrapping but nowhere near the level i want to be - have tidied a bit of my scrapping room but mark has grand plans to move me upstairs (don't know where upstairs) and i must admit that the idea of being nearer to mark and the kids is VERY appealing to me, even if it will force me to be more tidy and organised.

mark and i are still having so much fun with the new canon 400D - mark is so much better at taking pics than me. and matt is proving to be quite the artistic photograher too
just wanted to share these with you.

mark took this of kait on the slide in the park across the road.
just how totally gorgeous is this girl of ours...???
it's such a blessing seeing her so happy and healthy.

matt took this one - it is of the drummer from "Brittle Fex", one our local bands made good.
he was waiting to go on stage and matt captured him sitting with his drums in the middle of the park - classic shot.

how gorgeous are these two boys - mark's doing a "that's gold" sign - not sure why but i love how matt has managed to capture mark looking so relaxed while he spends time talking with his son.

mark took this in the park across the road from us. i hate having my pic taken - hate it sooooo much - and now with this new camera i can see all my flaws so much more clearly...!!!

thanks to everyone who stops by my blog to say hi and even those who would rather not let me know they had visited.
there has been some pretty nasty stuff flying around out there in cyber-blogland the past few days and it has made everyone feel pretty yucky.
i challenge you all to visit someone's blog and leave a happy thought.

have a happy thursday.
~~ and remember, let those you love, know that you do ~~

~*~ shazz ~*~
xo

IT'S FRIDAY

not much to report. haven't done much of anything - including scrapping.
i have attempted to clean up my scrapping space but think i have just managed to create more mess.
i have been doing lots of looking at blogs and galleries and have found some gorgeous LOs that i love and that inspire me.
you may not have seen any of these before and even if you have, enjoy looking at them again.
check this out...and this...and this...and this...and this.
some of the artists i know but others i don't.
i was just was captivated by the design or the colour or the message behind the LO or the blogs.

my washing machine is fixed - YAY - and after a week of no loads through, i FINALLY caught up today. the folding and ironing are another story though.
and the washing machine guy managed to NOT reassemble the the drainage pipes back to where they should be so we had a major flood of water in the garage last night - not happy jan - the machine tried to fill for a good two hours before i realised that the drainage hose wasn't in the hole that it should have been (it was raining heavily at the time and the laundry is in the garage at the other side of the house and that's why i didn't hear it)
i was more angry at the waste of water than i was at the flooding - i'm sure i will be even more angry when the next water rates arrive - GRRRRRRR!!!

our calendar is starting to fill up in the run up to christmas.
tonight we have our good friends graeme and kerrie coming for dinner along with their kids, taylor and logan. it's always good to catch up with these guys and i like to see mark spending time with graeme as they are great mates. looks like they may buy jake's old drum kit for logan and after a week of looking at the blasted thing sitting outside jake's room i will be glad to see it go.

tomorrow night we are off to see our niece, eden, in her dance recital. always good to catch up with mark's brother and his family too. no doubt di and i will have lots to chat about in organising a christmas meal together and what we will be buying each other's kids.

so whatever you do, wherever your weekend takes you, whoever the universe brings into your life, i hope you make lots of happy memories.

and remember, let those you love, know that you do

~*~ shazz ~*~
xo

PERSPECTIVE

it's amazing how such little things can get so blown out of proportion and how talking to the "right" person can get things straight in your head and in your life.
so thank you my friend - you know who you are and what a blessing you are in my life and how precious your friendship is to me.
and yes....i will remember to breathe.

i forgot to mention that even though i couldn't make zina's class at her house a few weeks ago (because i had to attend the funerals of the boys who were killed) that she kindly put my name "in the hat" for the draw to win the freestyle book that she contributed to.
and roz did the draw and she pulled my name out of the hat.....i was so stoked and actually shed a few tears when zina told me. so many thanks to zina and to roz.
mark, kait and i called in to pick up my kit and we had a lovely, but too short visit with zina and the kids.
i hope to be able to make another class if she runs one in the near future.

still having lots of fun learning and experimenting with the new camera. mark is so much more technically minded than me so he has been doing all the hard yards and reading the manual and he has been giving me the abridged, "Canon 400D For Dummies" version of using it.
thanks darl.

no scrapping (hopefully today), my scrap room is still a mess but here are some of the pics we have taken.

kait and mummy - mummy with her "before shower, still-in-my-jimmy jams" look happening

matt took this pic of our "smiling" miss tilly

the view off our balcony this morning when mark and i were "playing" around with the settings.
after the storms last night, everything looked and felt so fresh and clean


have a happy wednesday.
and let those you love, know that you do
~*~ shazz ~*~

YUCK

hate feeling like this.
lost, out of control, frantic, fearful, angry, afraid, fretful.
and for no particular reason either.
i have bad insomnia again.
so many good things in my life but so much bad stuff clouding that happiness.

hope it lifts soon and doesn't come back

~*~ shazz ~*~

CELEBRATIONS AND TITBITS

kait's school is celebrating it's 125th anniversary this year culminating in a great day yesterday at the school.

**i posted this in the EMM forum and couldn't be bothered re-typing it**
it rained and rained and rained. and then it rained some more.
but that didn't stop the people from flocking to celebrate the anniversary of our little school.

i scrapped an album (well sort of) that included the first pic ever taken of the whole school back in 1933 and this year's whole school pic. it was a 12x12 album and i have to say it was so difficult for me - i obviously still have issues with scrapping that size
each decade was given a page and people had to sign on the decade that they were at the school.
we only went back to the 1930s because for the centennary of the school we only had 4 ladies who were there in the 1920's and we figured that they had probably passed on seeing it was now 25 years later. and guess what...???
three of them turned up yesterday...!!! the other lady was too ill to attend - just a thrill to sit and listen to them speak about what the school was like back then and i was amazed (and quite proud) of the kids who sat and listened to them as well.

each class performed dances and recited poetry form different eras.

kait's class did the 50's and 60's so she got to dress as a rock and roller; we lay a time capsule; cut a cake and had a good old country afternoon tea with so much yummy food we were still eating it at 10.30 last night; we had memorablia displays and things on sale (books, discs, clothing, etc)
a local drama buff wrote a play that the kids and staff and local community members performed that had us all laughing.

then back to school for a famous rous BBQ (only famous cause the cooks - mark and a few of the dads - kept telling us they were famous) and then a bush dance in our COLA - covered outdoor learning area.
just so much fun. the band explained each dance and gave us all a chance to practice them but many of the dances had been taught to the kids at school in the months leading up to yesterday, so none of us took long to catch on.
the lady from the band was telling me she has never performed to a group who took such care to include the littlies in the dances along with the adults. our youngest dancer was sam, the principal's 3 year old son and he was still dosey-doe-ing along with all of us when the dance finished.
kait got to dance with the young man she is sweet on (i know, i know....she is only 10 but she tells me that she might only like Nick for a little while because she can beat him at handball) and so did her mum.

I also got to cuddle nick's little sister jemima (she is only a few months old) for ages so nick's mum could dance with him.

all in all a great and memorable day (and VERY tiring).
both mark and i agree that we made THE best decision the day we moved kait out to rous a few years ago.

and a few other little tit-bits of news.
* kait was seen by the paediatric neurologist last monday. he was such a lovely man and so suited to the job. he spoke directly to kait for most of the consult.
he has established that there is no residual physical effect from her fall but that the migraines she has been getting are definitely a result of the fall she had back in 2002.
he said that as she approaches and enters puberty that they may get worse but if we can work out the trigger(s) that she should be able to control them by taking painkillers as the symptoms start to appear. he said once children learn to recognise the onset of the symptoms they can pretty much keep the migraines under control.
of course she will probably get the odd one that happens rapidly and we won't have time to get meds into her system and she may need hospitalisation for those - these i am not looking forward to.
we have notified the school and given them permission to give her meds if she feels she needs them.
and he believes that her weight, although an issue, isn't related to the fall and it will be a case of monitoring it through our GP and her paediatrician back here.
of course this week she got a bad migraine and this what she looked like while we waited for the meds to kick in.

kait said after i took this pic "i hate having a mother who scrapbooks. you will take pictures of anything mummy"
LOL

* mark surprised me with a new canon 400D twin lens camera this week - i was shocked, amazed, grateful and a little over-awed by it all but it is a deliciously gorgeous camera to use - all the pics in this post were taken on it but i have yet to photoshop them.

* i was totally thrilled to open the EMM gallery this morning and find these little gems.
gem1
gem2
gem3
tell me this gorgeous girl isn't one of the best scrappers in australia at this time.
why she hasn't been snapped up by a million DTs is beyond me and i am just so blessed to be able to call her my friend.

* this little lady has a secret plan happening and she won't tell me what it is...beware miss marie...i WILL find out your plan.

* EMM is having a retreat next year....and in my own backyard. well not actually MY backyard cause i don't have one but it's being held at lennox head, about 40 minutes away, and despite the fact my "outlaws" reside there, it is one of the prettiest little coastal towns in australia.
and best of all i get to spend the weekend with my darling gal-pals ruthy and marie.
so keep an eye out in the EMM forum for more news on the retreat. i am sure that numbers will be filled quickly.

* i have been frantically trying to tidy my scrapping room and to start getting my christmas cards done...i will sher them with you when they are all ready.
i am mainly scrapping christmas gifts for people...can you believe the jolly red fella turns up in just 50 days time !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* and i will leave you with one last pic of my darling kait hanging out on the trampoline with tilly the wonder dog. not so sure tilly is enjoying the experience but i love the colours in this pic.


i hope you have had a wonderful weekend and that the week ahead holds lots of smiles and love for you all.
be safe.
and let those that you love, know that you do

~*~ shazz ~*~

SO ANGRY - GRRRRRRRRRRR...!!!

it's been a rough week so far.
i always knew the media were like a pack of rabid dogs looking for something to feed on but what they have done to tyler, the families of the boys we lost, our kids, our school and community these past few days is just sickening.

whatever happened to compassion and empathy for your fellow man...especially a young man who is going through what tyler must be going through at the moment.

i wanted to post a positive post.
i really did.
and i am sorry if anyone out there who bothers to read this blog is peeved that i am back on the grief wagon again but i am just so very very very angry and hurt.

how in the hell can the families, our kids and our community ever be expected to heal and move on when the media just re-opens the wounds and tears at our hearts.

just had to vent and this is my blog so it's as good a place as any i guess.

~*~ shazz ~*~