MERRY CHRISTMAS

it seems like forever since i last posted...so much has been going on with organising things for our first christmas away in 15 years; writing in cards; checking addresses; buying gifts; making gifts; wrapping gifts; making gift cards; trying to organise the house; going to school presentation days/nights; work parties; get togethers with friends that go on WAY too late for this old girl
geez....i am tired just writing it all down.
i have lists upon list of what needs to be done/bought/taken/left, etc, etc
i have lists to tell me what is on what list even.

but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
just hope it's not an oncoming train barrelling down on me....LOL

i do hope that each and every one of you has an amazing christmas, filled with fun and laughter and the love of your family and friends.
i hope that you are blessd with as much happiness as i have felt each and every time i have read a comment you have posted in response to something i have written; or emailed me; or sometimes i have been blessed to have picked up my phone and heard some of your voices on the other end of the line.

thank you to all of you who have maintained your blogs, filling them with the comings and goings of your lives and the lives of your families.
i have laughed and cried, cheered and booed with you all through your blogs and always felt so blessed and thankful for the wonderful online community of friends that i have.
thank you everyone....from the bottom of my heart.

i will leave you with some photos of my beautiful children and a thought...
"the perfect family portrait is just one weird face away"






MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL...
AND TO ALL...
A GOOD NIGHT.

look for the things that make you smile
~~ and remember, let those you love, know that you do ~~

~*~ shazz ~*~
xo

SO TIRED

in the last week i have scrapped over 20 calendars and i still have a few more to go.
i have altered almost 20 notebooks.
i have sewn over 20 felt stockings and given them a hanging ribbon and a bell.
i have written almost 50 christmas cards and have as many again to make and a family newsletter to write.
i have helped kait make our christmas tags for gifts this year.
i have written and checked off so many lists of what we need for christmas in terms of food, clothing to take away, gifts that are still to be purchased, etc.
i have cleaned the house (well sort of), i have washed, folded, ironed, vacuumed, and cleaned bathrooms
(we have self-cleaning ovens - why not damn self-cleaning bathrooms...???)
i have had two bad nights of insomnia.
i have been to two christmas parties and i am getting ready for our street party this coming weekend - held on our front lawn and ALWAYS a great success and a late night
(well early morning actually - the last of the neighbours left at 3.45 a.m. last year...!!!!)

yep.....i am tired.
not really stressed but just tired.
if i sit for more than 5 minutes i drop off to sleep
(VERY embarrassing when matt has the new girlfriend over and his mother starts the old heavy sleeping breathing and drooling on the lounge - or so i am told)

and now it's time to get dinner for the troops and get back into making these chrissy cards.
if you receive one, admire it, marvel at it's construction and my creativity - just don't throw the buggar out til oh......at least late march....LOL

enjoy what's left of your monday

look for the things that make you smile
~~ and remember, let those you love, know that you do ~~

~*~ shazz ~*~
xo

JUST TOO FUNNY

with my darling baby sister's permission (hi sis) i have posted my niece's santa pic.
can anyone see what's wrong with this pic...???
(scroll down)

this is my niece bianca who obviously has serious issues with sitting on santa's knee.
just too funny and i laughed til i cried when i opened this email last night.
this DEFINITELY falls into the category of things that made me smile today.
have a wonderful sunday

look for the things that make you smile
~~ and remember, let those you love, know that you do ~~

~*~ shazz ~*~
xo

THAT DAMN WOMAN.....

why is it that some people, by their mere presence, can create anguish and sorrow and frustration
?????

mark's mother called in this afternoon - not sure why but she did.
she is in the house 20 minutes filling mark and i in on all that her and mark's dad have been doing, what mark's sisters and their families are up to.
not ONCE did she ask where our three kids were.
not ONCE did she ask what we had been doing.

and when the kids eventually did come downstairs, kait says to her "did you see our tree Nanna. i decorated most of it myself"
to which mark's mother replies, "well i hope you don't expect anything from us to put under it. we have given you a holiday in our unit for nothing...!!!!"
WHAT THE F*CK...???

the look on kait's face said it all. and she just turned on her heels and went back up to her room.
mark was seething and i am sure had mark's dad heard what she said, he would be horrified.
we offered to pay him something towards our time up there and he said it was his pleasure to own something that we all could use and enjoy.
i just looked at her and shook my head.
i was truly lost for words.

mark wanted to call his dad and say we wouldn't be going up there but the kids have so been looking forward to going and i said that if we didn't go, she wins.

i am actually past the point of being angry at her.
i just feel sorry for her.
she has three beautiful grandchildren, a smart, intelligent son and forget the fact she hates me.
her actions cause us not to want to spend anytime with them at all and they are the ones missing out.
i feel sorry for mark cause he can't understand why his own mother would be such a nasty piece of work. he's not said much at all since she left an hour ago.

but i will look for the good in this situation...i have three gorgeous, amazing, beautiful children and one gorgeous, amazing, beautiful husband.
we have a great life filled with good friends, love, music and laughter.

and SHE thinks SHE is the lucky one.
just look what she is missing out on.

look for the things that make you smile
~~ and remember, let those you love, know that you do ~~

~*~ shazz ~*~
xo

FRIDAY FROLICS

well not much frolicking but lots got done.

kait slept on the lounge last night
("i want to look at our christmas tree as i go off to sleep mum")
but woke with a crink neck and as soon as i looked at her i knew she would have a migraine sneak up on her.
and the mummy was right....within half and hour of waking she was complaining of a headache. so i dosed her up with nurofen and let her stay home today. the headache didn't progress to a full blown one but she did look awful just the same.

had heaps planned but couldn't do lots of it as it involved christmas gifts for the kids. so lots didn't get done that i had planned.
i went to my LSS and matched up some CS and PPs for the last of these calendars. should look great when they are done.
kait and i then did the groceries and then it was home to unpack and do lunch.

i sat on the lounge after lunch for an oprah fix and dropped off to sleep.
kait woke me at 3 o'clock !!!

so now i have spent the last few hours rushing around trying to get chores done so i can have the weekend free to scrap and get chrissy things done.
our street christmas party is next weekend and we have our friend, elizabeth coming to stay so i have lots to get done before then.

having a coffee and computer break and then back into it.
have to collect jake from the school at 5 p.m.
he had a "reward" excursion to dreamworld and the gold coast overnight last night.
it will be good to have him home....i miss his banter and even kait said she misses him.

sorry this is a bit rambly....i think i am still snoozy from my "nanny nap" earlier on.
enjoy the rest of your weekend.

look for the things that make you smile
~~ and remember, let those you love, know that you do ~~

~*~ shazz ~*~
xo

NEVER FORGET

Daniel Morcombe
Missing since December 7, 2003

how can it be three years...???
my thoughts and prayers go to Daniel's mother and father and his brothers;
his grandparents;
his friends;
his class mates.

i pray that he is found and that his family has closure.
i pray that whoever knows what happened to this sweet boy will come forward and do the right thing by the family and the community.

go hug your kids.
hug them for a long time and hug them tight.

look for the things that make you smile
~~ and remember, let those you love, know that you do ~~

~*~ shazz ~*~
xo

BUSY BUSY BUSY

scrapping

scrapping
scrapping

i have altered about 5 calendars so far and only stopped because i need a certain colour cardstock - which i will get from my LSS on friday.
christmas is looming ever quicker as each day passes.
trying to make lists for things that need to be done and tha gifts that need to be bought/made.
mark and i have most of the kids christmas shopping out of the way which is great.

wanted to share some pics with you from jake's CAPA

(creative and performing arts) concert last week at the school.

yes...our boy is a leftie...but believe it or not, he can actually play a right handed guitar, upside down and back to front if a left handed guitar isn't available.

not the best pic - we must remember the tripod next time - just love the look of concentration on his face. this kid has got rhythm and the looks to go with it...the girls were all squealing his name.

to be honest, i didn't know how successful the concerts would be...2 of the boys that we lost in the accident in october were a big part of the music "scene" at the school and their sisters performed in the concert and jake was part of the two tribute songs that were sung by one of the boys' sisters.
jake told us that they couldn't manage to get through the songs at rehearsals without breaking down and "miss J"
- the most amazing and caring music teacher i have ever known -
didn't really expect that they would be able to get through the songs on the night.
but sing and play they did and it was an amazing performance to say the least.
there wasn't a dry eye in the house by the time she had finished singing but to her credit and to the credit of the rest of the young performers....they gave their very best in honour of the four boys.
a testament to the strength of the kids and the support they have all given each other and received from the the staff and support people at the school.
the grieving still goes on - don't think it will ever go away but these wonderful, amazing, talented, inspirational kids give me hope for the future.
both mark and i were SO proud of jake who, in his own words,
"drummed so the boys could hear me in heaven mum".
such a talented drummer and guitarist and such a kind and caring soul.
we love you baby.

have a great thursday
enjoy your day
look for the things that make you smile

~~ and remember, let those you love, know that you do ~~

~*~ shazz ~*~
xo

A HEARTFELT THANKS + BLESSINGS

thank you to all of you who posted such supportive comments or emailed me.
like always...things have improved.
i am so blessed to have the support of my gorgeous husband and despite my occasional whinging about them, my three beautiful kids. mark was especially supportive and sat and listened to me rant and rave for hours one night before just putting his arms around me and giving me what i think i needed the most...a great big hug and the reassurance that it is ok to be sad when sad things happen. each day he has been encouraging me to look for the good in things - even when the situation is sad or uncomfortable.
i am truly one very lucky woman to have a man so great to love and care for me.
i also have a very close friend who i can call on day or night and he is such a wise man and very supportive too. he reminds me to keep breathing and never stop smiling.
such a blessing in my life as well.
if i let the awful things that people sometimes say and do, rule how i feel and live my life, in a way they have hurt me twice. they win, if you like and my reaction validates what they have said or done, even if it's the wrong thing.
so again....my heartfelt thanks to all of you out there in cyberland.

had a great time at the EMM christmas crop and dinner on sunday.
it was wonderful, as always, to spend time with the totally gorgeous ruthy and diana.
to see carol-lea again and to meet all the lovely EMM ladies i have been chatting with for ages..
secret santa also popped in unnoticed and left me a gift under the tree -
NOT TO BE OPENED TIL CHRISTMAS DAY
- how on earth can i be expected to wait that long...???
i managed to scrap three of the calendars i am altering for christmas gifts - which is no mean feat when you realise just how much chatting and laughing and looking at what others were doing, went on.
it was a very hot, steamy day, culminating in a HUGE storm complete with a great sound and light show and lots of rain.
i can't believe how dry the ipswich area and the darling downs are - very sad.
i was surprised they are only on level 4 restrictions...i remember clearly being on level 5 restrictions and being just days away from level 6.
seems like a lifetime ago.

i spent sunday night at ruthy's and although i was SOOOO tired, i think ruthy and i managed to fit in a good deal of chatting.
it's so wonderful when you just click with someone and i think ruthy and i have done just that.
ruthy clarke, you are one of the most gorgeous, generous, honest people i know and i feel so blessed that i can call you my friend.
thanks again for putting me up (or is that putting up with me...???) and thanks to gorgeous em for so generously giving me her bed for the night.
my next visit will be a longer one, i promise...!!!

so much happening with the lead up to christmas...we have a busy few weeks ahead with school things and christmas parties and visitors staying overnight and all the hectic hustle and bustle that goes with the christmas season.
in saying that...it's time to scoot off into town to pick up some pics and some more notebooks to cover.

enjoy your day everyone.
look for the things that make you smile

~~ and remember, let those you love, know that you do ~~

~*~ shazz ~*~
xo

STUFF

i have some pretty heavy duty stuff going on at the moment and i feel like i have the weight of the world on my shoulders.
my health is suffering.
my sleep patterns are atrocious.
my time management skills are virtually non-existent.
i truly do have so very much to be thankful for and feel blessed in so many areas of my life.
it's just this one incident has crushed my spirit and this time i'm not bouncing back and i am finding it hard to be forgiving.

most of all my family is suffering because of the way i am and because of where my head is at.
so i am going to spend, what time i need, to get my mind and my soul "right" again so i can be the best wife and mother i can be to them.
they deserve nothing less.
i know what needs to happen to "fix things" and make it right.
i'm just not "there" yet.

so please forgive me if i owe you a post on your blog
(i have been trying to read all my "regulars" just haven't got the energy to comment like i know i should)
or if i owe you an email or a phonecall.

enjoy the rest of the week
~~ and remember, let those you love, know that you do ~~

~*~ shazz ~*~
xo

HMMMMM

i gave my third lot of plasma yesterday and AGAIN my blood pressure was high. not overly high but for it to have been high for my past three donations, the nurses at the blood bank want me to get a clearance from my GP before i give again in two weeks time.
so it's off to the doctor on monday to go through the motions.
YES...i am taking anti-inflammatories that are known to cause stroke, heart attack and BP
NO...i can't stop taking them
YES...i have a family history of hypertension (both maternal and paternal sides)
NO...i don't want to go on BP meds (i'm only 42 for crying out loud)
i don't know what the doc will say but i am not going to stress about it.

mark and i had a good talk about it all last night and he thinks that maybe the events of the past month or so (the death of the four boys, their funerals and extended family stresses) haven't helped. and i tend to internalise a lot of my stress - walk away from conflict rather than have it out with whoever is causing me grief.
i don't know...*SIGH*

i am off to a scrapping day organised by my LSS on saturday...now THAT'S a great way to de-stress. a day of scrapping and being with like-minded ladies.
don't know what goodies we will be making - it's never a straight "bring your stash along and crop" kinda day that julie organises.
it's always fun though and they put on THE best lunches and morning and afternoon teas.

i am also looking forward to heading up to ipswich to a Christmas crop with the fabulous EMM ladies, on december 3.
and spending the day and the night with my gorgeous ruthy.
the only downer is that so many of the girls who live too far away won't be able to make it but ruthy and i have devised a way to at least get the gorgeous miss marie to be there with us.
and no....i'm not telling....you'll just have to wait and see.
*WINK*
i will stay with ruthy in toowoomba on the sunday night and work my way back home on monday through brissy, stopping in to visit the new ikea and some scrapping stores i want to check out.
should be a blast- can't wait !!!

i know that the three of us are all looking forward to the EMM retreat in march next year - i am so excited about FINALLY meeting my gorgeous gal, marie, and her and ruthy and i all being able to spend time together - scrapping and laughing and talking - that i talk about it here at home all the time.
mark and the kids actually banned me from any retreat talk for a few days last week cause they were sick of hearing about it.
*LOL*

and that is all i have to waffle on about today.
have you visited some blogs today and left a nice comment...???
let's all try and spread some happiness and love about the place.
i've sent some emails off to some girls who i know were devastated by what has been written on certain blogs in the past few days - i hope they helped to brighten their days and helped them smile.

take care everyone and have a happy friday
~~ and remember, let those you love, know that you do ~~

~*~ shazz ~*~
xo

PICS TO SHARE

not much to report.

been doing a bit of scrapping but nowhere near the level i want to be - have tidied a bit of my scrapping room but mark has grand plans to move me upstairs (don't know where upstairs) and i must admit that the idea of being nearer to mark and the kids is VERY appealing to me, even if it will force me to be more tidy and organised.

mark and i are still having so much fun with the new canon 400D - mark is so much better at taking pics than me. and matt is proving to be quite the artistic photograher too
just wanted to share these with you.

mark took this of kait on the slide in the park across the road.
just how totally gorgeous is this girl of ours...???
it's such a blessing seeing her so happy and healthy.

matt took this one - it is of the drummer from "Brittle Fex", one our local bands made good.
he was waiting to go on stage and matt captured him sitting with his drums in the middle of the park - classic shot.

how gorgeous are these two boys - mark's doing a "that's gold" sign - not sure why but i love how matt has managed to capture mark looking so relaxed while he spends time talking with his son.

mark took this in the park across the road from us. i hate having my pic taken - hate it sooooo much - and now with this new camera i can see all my flaws so much more clearly...!!!

thanks to everyone who stops by my blog to say hi and even those who would rather not let me know they had visited.
there has been some pretty nasty stuff flying around out there in cyber-blogland the past few days and it has made everyone feel pretty yucky.
i challenge you all to visit someone's blog and leave a happy thought.

have a happy thursday.
~~ and remember, let those you love, know that you do ~~

~*~ shazz ~*~
xo

IT'S FRIDAY

not much to report. haven't done much of anything - including scrapping.
i have attempted to clean up my scrapping space but think i have just managed to create more mess.
i have been doing lots of looking at blogs and galleries and have found some gorgeous LOs that i love and that inspire me.
you may not have seen any of these before and even if you have, enjoy looking at them again.
check this out...and this...and this...and this...and this.
some of the artists i know but others i don't.
i was just was captivated by the design or the colour or the message behind the LO or the blogs.

my washing machine is fixed - YAY - and after a week of no loads through, i FINALLY caught up today. the folding and ironing are another story though.
and the washing machine guy managed to NOT reassemble the the drainage pipes back to where they should be so we had a major flood of water in the garage last night - not happy jan - the machine tried to fill for a good two hours before i realised that the drainage hose wasn't in the hole that it should have been (it was raining heavily at the time and the laundry is in the garage at the other side of the house and that's why i didn't hear it)
i was more angry at the waste of water than i was at the flooding - i'm sure i will be even more angry when the next water rates arrive - GRRRRRRR!!!

our calendar is starting to fill up in the run up to christmas.
tonight we have our good friends graeme and kerrie coming for dinner along with their kids, taylor and logan. it's always good to catch up with these guys and i like to see mark spending time with graeme as they are great mates. looks like they may buy jake's old drum kit for logan and after a week of looking at the blasted thing sitting outside jake's room i will be glad to see it go.

tomorrow night we are off to see our niece, eden, in her dance recital. always good to catch up with mark's brother and his family too. no doubt di and i will have lots to chat about in organising a christmas meal together and what we will be buying each other's kids.

so whatever you do, wherever your weekend takes you, whoever the universe brings into your life, i hope you make lots of happy memories.

and remember, let those you love, know that you do

~*~ shazz ~*~
xo

PERSPECTIVE

it's amazing how such little things can get so blown out of proportion and how talking to the "right" person can get things straight in your head and in your life.
so thank you my friend - you know who you are and what a blessing you are in my life and how precious your friendship is to me.
and yes....i will remember to breathe.

i forgot to mention that even though i couldn't make zina's class at her house a few weeks ago (because i had to attend the funerals of the boys who were killed) that she kindly put my name "in the hat" for the draw to win the freestyle book that she contributed to.
and roz did the draw and she pulled my name out of the hat.....i was so stoked and actually shed a few tears when zina told me. so many thanks to zina and to roz.
mark, kait and i called in to pick up my kit and we had a lovely, but too short visit with zina and the kids.
i hope to be able to make another class if she runs one in the near future.

still having lots of fun learning and experimenting with the new camera. mark is so much more technically minded than me so he has been doing all the hard yards and reading the manual and he has been giving me the abridged, "Canon 400D For Dummies" version of using it.
thanks darl.

no scrapping (hopefully today), my scrap room is still a mess but here are some of the pics we have taken.

kait and mummy - mummy with her "before shower, still-in-my-jimmy jams" look happening

matt took this pic of our "smiling" miss tilly

the view off our balcony this morning when mark and i were "playing" around with the settings.
after the storms last night, everything looked and felt so fresh and clean


have a happy wednesday.
and let those you love, know that you do
~*~ shazz ~*~

YUCK

hate feeling like this.
lost, out of control, frantic, fearful, angry, afraid, fretful.
and for no particular reason either.
i have bad insomnia again.
so many good things in my life but so much bad stuff clouding that happiness.

hope it lifts soon and doesn't come back

~*~ shazz ~*~

CELEBRATIONS AND TITBITS

kait's school is celebrating it's 125th anniversary this year culminating in a great day yesterday at the school.

**i posted this in the EMM forum and couldn't be bothered re-typing it**
it rained and rained and rained. and then it rained some more.
but that didn't stop the people from flocking to celebrate the anniversary of our little school.

i scrapped an album (well sort of) that included the first pic ever taken of the whole school back in 1933 and this year's whole school pic. it was a 12x12 album and i have to say it was so difficult for me - i obviously still have issues with scrapping that size
each decade was given a page and people had to sign on the decade that they were at the school.
we only went back to the 1930s because for the centennary of the school we only had 4 ladies who were there in the 1920's and we figured that they had probably passed on seeing it was now 25 years later. and guess what...???
three of them turned up yesterday...!!! the other lady was too ill to attend - just a thrill to sit and listen to them speak about what the school was like back then and i was amazed (and quite proud) of the kids who sat and listened to them as well.

each class performed dances and recited poetry form different eras.

kait's class did the 50's and 60's so she got to dress as a rock and roller; we lay a time capsule; cut a cake and had a good old country afternoon tea with so much yummy food we were still eating it at 10.30 last night; we had memorablia displays and things on sale (books, discs, clothing, etc)
a local drama buff wrote a play that the kids and staff and local community members performed that had us all laughing.

then back to school for a famous rous BBQ (only famous cause the cooks - mark and a few of the dads - kept telling us they were famous) and then a bush dance in our COLA - covered outdoor learning area.
just so much fun. the band explained each dance and gave us all a chance to practice them but many of the dances had been taught to the kids at school in the months leading up to yesterday, so none of us took long to catch on.
the lady from the band was telling me she has never performed to a group who took such care to include the littlies in the dances along with the adults. our youngest dancer was sam, the principal's 3 year old son and he was still dosey-doe-ing along with all of us when the dance finished.
kait got to dance with the young man she is sweet on (i know, i know....she is only 10 but she tells me that she might only like Nick for a little while because she can beat him at handball) and so did her mum.

I also got to cuddle nick's little sister jemima (she is only a few months old) for ages so nick's mum could dance with him.

all in all a great and memorable day (and VERY tiring).
both mark and i agree that we made THE best decision the day we moved kait out to rous a few years ago.

and a few other little tit-bits of news.
* kait was seen by the paediatric neurologist last monday. he was such a lovely man and so suited to the job. he spoke directly to kait for most of the consult.
he has established that there is no residual physical effect from her fall but that the migraines she has been getting are definitely a result of the fall she had back in 2002.
he said that as she approaches and enters puberty that they may get worse but if we can work out the trigger(s) that she should be able to control them by taking painkillers as the symptoms start to appear. he said once children learn to recognise the onset of the symptoms they can pretty much keep the migraines under control.
of course she will probably get the odd one that happens rapidly and we won't have time to get meds into her system and she may need hospitalisation for those - these i am not looking forward to.
we have notified the school and given them permission to give her meds if she feels she needs them.
and he believes that her weight, although an issue, isn't related to the fall and it will be a case of monitoring it through our GP and her paediatrician back here.
of course this week she got a bad migraine and this what she looked like while we waited for the meds to kick in.

kait said after i took this pic "i hate having a mother who scrapbooks. you will take pictures of anything mummy"
LOL

* mark surprised me with a new canon 400D twin lens camera this week - i was shocked, amazed, grateful and a little over-awed by it all but it is a deliciously gorgeous camera to use - all the pics in this post were taken on it but i have yet to photoshop them.

* i was totally thrilled to open the EMM gallery this morning and find these little gems.
gem1
gem2
gem3
tell me this gorgeous girl isn't one of the best scrappers in australia at this time.
why she hasn't been snapped up by a million DTs is beyond me and i am just so blessed to be able to call her my friend.

* this little lady has a secret plan happening and she won't tell me what it is...beware miss marie...i WILL find out your plan.

* EMM is having a retreat next year....and in my own backyard. well not actually MY backyard cause i don't have one but it's being held at lennox head, about 40 minutes away, and despite the fact my "outlaws" reside there, it is one of the prettiest little coastal towns in australia.
and best of all i get to spend the weekend with my darling gal-pals ruthy and marie.
so keep an eye out in the EMM forum for more news on the retreat. i am sure that numbers will be filled quickly.

* i have been frantically trying to tidy my scrapping room and to start getting my christmas cards done...i will sher them with you when they are all ready.
i am mainly scrapping christmas gifts for people...can you believe the jolly red fella turns up in just 50 days time !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* and i will leave you with one last pic of my darling kait hanging out on the trampoline with tilly the wonder dog. not so sure tilly is enjoying the experience but i love the colours in this pic.


i hope you have had a wonderful weekend and that the week ahead holds lots of smiles and love for you all.
be safe.
and let those that you love, know that you do

~*~ shazz ~*~

SO ANGRY - GRRRRRRRRRRR...!!!

it's been a rough week so far.
i always knew the media were like a pack of rabid dogs looking for something to feed on but what they have done to tyler, the families of the boys we lost, our kids, our school and community these past few days is just sickening.

whatever happened to compassion and empathy for your fellow man...especially a young man who is going through what tyler must be going through at the moment.

i wanted to post a positive post.
i really did.
and i am sorry if anyone out there who bothers to read this blog is peeved that i am back on the grief wagon again but i am just so very very very angry and hurt.

how in the hell can the families, our kids and our community ever be expected to heal and move on when the media just re-opens the wounds and tears at our hearts.

just had to vent and this is my blog so it's as good a place as any i guess.

~*~ shazz ~*~

DT APPLICATION LOs

here are the LOs i used in my DT application which was unsuccessful.
knocked my confidence a bit but when i saw the LOs of the girls who got in, i know why i wasn't successful.

my beautiful baby girl...believe it or not, this pic is actually B&W not sepia but the scanner wasn't playing nice the day i scanned it.

another LO of our gorgeous kait.

the cover of a mini album made using the cosmo cricket folded mini album (which i cut up because i couldn't get the stupid thing to lie right)

the back of the mini album

on seeing the mini album, jakey said, "that is so cool mum. making such a great little book about our family" - made me feel wonderful hearing him say that.
thanks again to marie and ruthy for their unwavering belief in me and their encouragement. love you both to bits.

enjoy your saturday.
don't forget to wind your clocks forward if you need to.
be safe and let those you love, know that you do.

~*~ shazz ~*~

THOUGHTS & PRAYERS

please pray for the families and friends of the four young men who will be buried over the next two days.

if you are so inclined, please pray for some peace for tyler, the young man who was driving. he will attempt to attend the four funerals of his "best buds".
this young man has such a heavy burden to come to terms with and to carry for the rest of his days. it is a burden that no one, especially such a young man, should ever have to carry.
threats have been made against him and his family and it has created so much division within the school community and the community as a whole.

our school will close for the day tomorrow, not only as a sign of respect, but allow the staff to grieve along with the students.
please pray for the staff at school to have the strength and support to help those children who need support. this tragedy will echo through our school for a long time to come, i feel.

please pray that the rumours and innuendo surrounding the accident will end and our community and our children can start to heal and move on from this tragedy.

please pray for mark and i to be strong enough to support our boys as they grieve and try to accept that death, even when it is someone so young, is an inevitable part of life and that life does go on.

please pray that the young people who have been touched by this tragedy can accept that it can happen to them; that they aren't bullet-proof and that accidents do happen and can be life changing.

i won't post again until i feel more settled myself. i feel that i have posted so many sad posts and i think (and sincerely hope) that after the funerals and some time alone with our boys, that mark and i will be able to help them move on with their lives and with our lives too.

i feel strongly motivated to scrap, although at the moment my heart really isn't in it.
i have a strong motivation to preserve the memories we have of our family and our lives and to live a life that offers love and happiness and opportunities to make more memories.

be safe dear friends.

~*~ shazz ~*~

THANK YOU

thank you everyone for leaving comments and for those of you who have sent emails.
and even though most of my "real life" friends don't read my blog, thank you to all of you who have called us over the past few days to check and see if our boys are ok.

it has been a rough few days. the grief in our community is tangible - most people knew the boys or members of their families or grandparents.

mark and i were talking this morning and we both agreed that the grief at the moment is like a sore...just when you think the bleeding has stopped, something will happen or something will be said and the scab is scratched off and the bleeding starts all over again.

matt and jake have been doing it tough. both the boys have gone through the full range of emotions associated with grief - tears, anger, questioning, sorrow.
i will be forever thankful to the school for the support they have given both our boys - even though matt is no longer at school he was part of the "music scene" at school that two of the boys were also part of.
his music teacher from school, "Miss J", has been amazing even though she is grieving herself. she saw him up at the memorial, which has sprung up at the front gate of the school, on monday and came straight down and took him up into the school for a few hours.
and i have been amazed by the support network both our boys have with their friends.
we have had their friends here at home a few times in the past few days or our boys have met at the homes of their friends. we always call the parents of the boys who come here just so we all know where our kids are.

the funerals of the boys will be held on friday and saturday. whether matt and jake go will be left up to them and at the moment they are saying they want to attend all four funerals. whether that happens, mark and i will leave it up to them and be there to support them.

i am sorry that this is another sad post.
but this is a very sad time for our family and our community.

~*~ shazz ~*~

GO HUG YOUR KIDS

it is 4 a.m.
it is dark and kind of chilly and i have given up on the idea of sleep.

my boys lost four of their mates yesterday in a senseless and tragic accident.
4 young, talented, well-liked young men who were someone's son, someone's brother, grandson, boyfriend, mate, student.
how corey, mitch, bryce and paul died is tragic but it has a chilling and eerie familiarity about it.
mark and i have both shaken our heads at the number of times matt has ferried a carload of kids to a party and we later learn they have ended up somewhere else - miles from where they said they were going.
or the number of times matt and jake have gone with other friends in their car to a party. we always check that the drivers have had their license for a while. we didn't let matt take anyone else in the car for a few months after he got his license.
and our boys are always sensible and on more than one occasion have called us to come and get them from a party because the person who they have hitched a ride with has had a few drinks and they don't feel comfortable getting in the car to come home.

but when you are young that feeling of invincibility rings loudly in your ears.
it won't happen to you.
you "know" how to drive.
it can't hurt to go just that little bit faster around the corner and hear your mates in the car with you cheer as the back of the car slides out.
you play your music this loud at home and how can it hurt having it this loud in the car?
i don't know the details of what caused the accident - the rumour mill has been working overtime in the past 24 hours as our boys have received phonecalls and messages saying one thing or the other was the cause.

but roads get wet; they are dark; "i didn't know that the tyres needed replacing"; maybe you aren't as familiar with the bends and twists of the road as you thought you were.
and in an instant, four young, bright, talented lives cease and the life of one young man has been irrevocably changed forever.
and i feel guilt at the overwhelming relief that my sons weren't in the car.

i don't know what else to say...it is tragic, senseless and all to chillingly familiar a scenario being played out in the lives of communities all around australia, all to often.

go hug your kids

~*~ shazz ~*~

THANK YOU

look what arrived in my mailbox on the weekend.


not sure how i got a mail delivery on a saturday but i suspect that it was delivered to the wrong address
(we get a lot of mail for the folks at number 9 in the next street over and they often get our mail)
and it has taken them a few days to get it around to us.
so thank you so much ruth from way over there in NZ...your thoughtfuness and your sentiments in the card are greatly appreciated at what was a tough time for me.

i have been doing lots of scrapping but none i can really share just yet.
as some of you know, i am applying for a DT position and i have to have some new work to show. i have been frantically TRYING to scrap, and have managed to get some LOs together that i am actually quite pleased with.
and for those of you who know me, i have very little confidence in my ability to produce great scrapping so for me to say i am pleased is kinda a big deal....LOL
my most heartfelt thanks for marie and ruthy for cyber-kicking my butt to apply for the DT position and your continued support.
you gals are "THE BEST!!!"

i took kait and two friends to see "the wild" today....it was a great movie and the girls thoroughly enjoyed it
(as did the Mummy who was forced to sit up the back away from them)
i thankfully got a movie discount card so it only cost me $9.00 for each ticket - man it has become expensive for a trip to the movies these days.

anyways....my darling man is home so it is time for me to go and spend sometime with him.
a happy tuesday to you all

~*~ shazz ~*~
xox

OUR VISITOR & "GO JAKEY"

we had a few visitors drop by on sunday afternoon in the lead up to the the NRL grand final
(and let's NOT discuss the outcome of that game thanks)
we also ended up with a houehold full of teenagers
(our boys, our nephew, and about 7 of their mates)
to watch the game...just lit the barbie and fed them all sausages on bread - they were happy and the washing up was kept to a minimum.

i was hanging out the clothes when this not-so-little fella dropped by.
(he was about 6 feet long)


i don't know what was funnier....nanny tearing up stairs onto the balcony like the devil himself was after her just to get as far away from him as possible
or
dad jumping up and down like a girl screaming - and i mean screaming!!!
"kill it, kill it, hit it with a shovel"
i thought it was hilarious and let's face it....he was only a carpet snake and he was in the neighbour's courtyard and there was no way he was gonna cause anyone any grief as long as we left him alone.

mark has had the bike out for a spin a few times in the last couple of weeks so when dad spotted it he thought he would like a ride.
dad always rode a bike before he had an almost fatal accident back in 1979.
so with nanny telling him not to get on it, and with a gleam in his eye he hopped on and putt-putted around our estate...we could hear him in the streets behind us only because he didn't get it out of second gear...!!!
but he did have the biggest grin on his face when he got off.


kait decided she wasn't gonna miss out so she jumped on behind mark and he took her for a little ride up and down our street.


she had such a "daddy's girl" weekend with mark....they washed the cars, played euchre,
(which mark taught a few weeks ago and i don't think he has beaten her since)
rubbed back and resanded the balcony table and just hung out together. it did them both the world of good.


i scrapped a few LOs over the weekend but i am planning to apply for a DT position in the next week or so, so i won't be sharing them just yet.
i don't think i stand a chance of getting a position but hey.....i am going to give it a go. you just NEVER know.

and lastly...jakey has trialled for the Under 19 Far North Coast Football (soccer) rep team. they had one only trial last night and mark said jakey - who is ONLY 15 i might add - held his own with the older boys.
a few of the boys that he used to play with were quite rude when the coaches asked what team he played for and he said he started most games with the Stars Prems reserve side but also played for the Prems team when they were short. they laughed and called out "in your dreams" when the coaches asked what team jake had played for this year.
thankfully some of the older boys that he had played against told the coaches that he had indeed played in Prems Reserves and for Prems.
and i think his game play and skills spoke volumes to the coaches anways.
now we just have to wait for the phonecall saying yes or no. if anything keeps him out of the side it will probably be his lack of bulk...he is tall but still very lean.

well that's my lot for today...hoping to get some more scrapping done today.
kait is going for a sleepover with a friend from physie tonight. she is so looking forward to it.

enjoy your day
~*~ shazz ~*~
xo

GUESS WHAT I FOUND OUT...???

MARK HAS A MISTRESS...!!!

and he loves her so much;
he wants to spend as much time with her as he can, alone, just the two of them;
he always looks so gorgeous when he goes out with her;
he looks lovingly at her as he rubs his hands over her when he is bathing her;
he spends money on her to keep her happy;
she is always ready and rearing to go whenever he calls on her
AND
he keeps her in our garage so she is there whenever he needs her.



*SIGH*


did he think i wouldn't find out about her...???
he doesn't care that he is seen in public with her and even takes her to our friends' place to show her off.
he has even arrived at the kids school with her.

he told me about her before this "thing" between them ever started.
he told me he had seen her in the street and couldn't stop thinking about her.
he did warn me that something was about to start between them.
and i guess i kind of encouraged it.
after all....i just want him to be happy.

i have managed to catch them together with my camera.
(see below)
if you look closely at the picture you can see the love in his eyes for her.
look at the way he is looking down at her as her gently caresses her to make her happy.
look how devastatingly handsome he looks as he prepares to take her out, just the two of them.




i don't know where this "thing" will end between the two of them.
i just want him to be happy and she makes him happy.
i pray that she won't end up hurting him.
but ultimately it is his decision to be with her.

have a happy day girls
(did i fool you....???)

~*~ shazz ~*~
xox

p.s. i think this might make a good pic and journalling for a LO.

TRIVIA NIGHT, HOLIDAYS, A "ZINA" CLASS & THE SILLY SEASON

i didn't get a chance to scrap much this week as i was organising the trivia night for kait's school.
each year we have a parents' night out where only the parents attend a function associated with the school.
we have had progressive dinners, a murder mystery night (that wasn't a great success) and last night's trivia night, which according to everyone by the end of the night was a HUGE success.
drew, our gorgeous principal, MC'd the night and did a great job; mark and i marked the answers and handed out the prizes; and about 55 parents and their friends turned up to show just how much trivial information they actually did know.
the theme of the night was op shop formal and some the creations that everyone found were just amazing. the winner of the fancy dress night was one of our kindy dads, dressed in a.......................
wait for it....................
KAFTAN !!!
being so busy on the night naturally i forgot to get pics so i am hoping that someone else did.
i wore a lovely lavendar number, complete with hand painted flowers with gold sparkly highlights, beads, support knee-highs with sandals and completed my ensemble with a straw hat with sunflowers attached and my granny glasses.
JUST STUNNING...!!!
(just hope someone got a pic)

the kids are on holidays - YAY !!!!
i love the holidays....no rushing to get out the door, no harping at them to get homework done or bags unpacked.
kait still has physie training in the leadup to her last zone comp and nationals comp but that's ok.
today we have pretty much done nothing but hung out at home and pottered around.
mark and i even managed a granny nap after lunch which was nice
(and much needed after our late night)

and my most exciting news.....the oh-so-fabulous zina wright is offering classes in her home towards the end of october and i have booked a place. i didn't manage to get into town to pay for it yet but so i hope she has still held my spot.
i have loved and admired zina's gorgeous style since meeting her at a retreat a few years agao and she is one of the nicest people you could meet....and so funny too.
i can remember looking through her albums and just being gobsmacked at her amazing talent and i can remember peering over at her as she scrapped hoping that some of her amazing talent would waft over my way and i could absorb it.
i'll admit...her style isn't to everyone's liking but hey....that's the beauty of this amazing craft.

have been thinking seriously about the rapidly approaching silly season. mark and i both agree that we want to tone down the hectic-ness that seems to flood us every december so we have sat down and put everything in the diary next to the phone that we know we have on and if something else pops up we have to put it in the diary straight away.
at least we won't be double booking like last year.
i have bought some calendars to alter as gifts for the grandparents
(now to get a decent pic of the kids)
as well as some extras to alter for friends.
i think, like us, most people are struggling with making ends meet this year with interest rates rising and the fuel debarcle so handmade gifts are the go this year.
and to be honest, i get so much more satisfaction in making gifts for people and receiving a gift that someone has taken the time to make for me.

and on that note, i will end my waffle.
kait and i are having a girls'-night-in tonight as mark and the boys have headed off to the soccer grand finals for the division the boys both play for
(their team didn't make it)
left over chinese, a video and some scrapping i think.....HMMMM
sounds divine.

enjoy your tomorrow and
GO THE STORM !!!!!!!!

~*~ shazz ~*~

TERRI IRWIN

*copied from a post i made on EMM last night after watching this brave woman share her grief with the world*

"the wind blew softly against her face as she spoke and i felt as though it was steve letting her know that he was still around and watching over her and the kids.

never have i wanted so much to reach out and give someone a hug...just to let her know that the love and support of every australian is with her as she steps forward into a future without her beloved steve.

i pray that i am never in her situation but if i am i hope that i will conduct myself with as much courage and grace as she showed tonight.

god bless you terri and your babies too"


i am humbled by her strength and her love for this amazing man and the life they had together.
makes my problems of the last few days seem very small indeed.

~*~ shazz ~*~

WHY...???

do certain people seem to take such peverse pleasure in doing and saying things knowing full well that the things they do and say will make other people sad...???
how can you get such pleasure out of being so downright mean and nasty...???

and why do i let these kind of people have such an adverse effect on me...???

~*~ shazz ~*~
xo

TIRED

after what has been a full on week of looking after kait and then mark getting ill and lastly me ending up in bed by 8.30 both friday and saturday night, all i can say is i am one tired mummy.

kait continues to get better by the day.
she returned to school today and all her little friends were waiting at the gate for her when we got there this morning. they squealed with delight when she got out of the car and hugged her and asked to see where the drip had gone into her arm - which is still slightly bruised.
all the teachers at the school were shocked at how skinny she was.
she had a good day though...was a little tired by lunchtime but she got through the day so that is a good thing, in my books.

her appointment with the paediatric neurologist is on october 30. her paediatrician, dr ian, would have liked the neurologist to have seen her before he (dr ian) did in october but that's not gonna happen. just hope we can get some answers....we need them and kait needs them too.

no scrapping today but my new CK arrived in the mail so i will probably have good old squizz through it tonight after dinner.

and lastly, i want to send all my love, hugs and positive thoughts to my gorgeous friend ruthy who is going through some "stuff" at the moment.
love ya heaps ruthy and you know where i am if you need me.

hope everyone has a great day tomorrow.
until then.
be happy and smile - makes people wonder what you have been up to...!!!

~*~ shazz ~*~
xox

{SHARING}

thought i would share some of the pages from the album i have been scrapping for my dad and step-mum to celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary.

the cover of the album.

matt's page - what a smile...!!!

wish i had used a pic taken AFTER jakey had his haircut...!!!


love this pic of my baby girl....she looks so happy and healthy.

have completed several more pages of their other grandchildren but thought i better not share them without the permission from my sisters and brothers - you will just have to take my word for it...they are great....ROTFL!!!
don't know what is up with our silly scanner but the pages are such different colours IRL. i got sick of playing around with them for ages this afternoon so this is as good as it gets.

kait is well today - she has been eating well and getting lots of rest.
i am going to take her down to physie this afternoon to see the girls in her group - she really wants to do some practise but i will see how she goes when we get there.

enjoy the rest of the day.

~*~ shazz ~*~
xox

SO MUCH BETTER

kait is so much better.
and each day she gets a little stronger.

she is watching lots of DVDs (helps having a brother who works for Video Ezy...LOL) and this afternoon has wandered up into her room and has been colouring in and playing with her toys.
we played a couple of games of backgammon yesterday - she has her daddy's flair and cut-throat attitude to playing and beat me 3 out of the four times we played...LOL
she is also eating good size meals and drinking lots.
i just hope and pray
(are you listening up there Big Guy...???)
that she will continue to get better as each day passes and that when we finally get to see this paediatric neurologist we will get some answers.

yesterday would have been my darling nana's brithday.
she would have been 85.
it's times like this, with kait being ill, that i miss nana the most. she always called and cooked us a batch of biccies when we had illness in the house. she said it was important to take time to sit and have a cuppa when you were stressed, so she always baked anzac biccies and brought them to our house.
i miss being able to pick up the phone and just call her for a chat and even now, 10 years after her death, i still think "i will just give Nana a quick call to say hello"
if only i could.
her cuddles and advice and her love and support are the things i miss about her.
she was honest and hardworking and supportive and just so cuddly.
oh how i miss her.

i managed to do about 30 minutes of scrapping this morning while kait was watching a DVD. i am still trying to get the "grandkids album" for dad and nanny finished.
only 5 more grandchildren to go.....LOL

i hope that everyone is having a great day.

~*~ shazz ~*~
xox

HOME

kait is home...not 100% but home.
a HUGE thank you to everyone who has emailed, left posts at the EMM forum and sms'd.

we got her home last night about 7 p.m.
her paed has given us a referral to a paediatric neurologist in brisbane because FINALLY we got him to agree that her life changed the moment she fell off that bench 4 years ago.
he finally listened to us when we said all this shit with her weight and the migraines and the episodes started that night.

she has dropped in weight from 25.9 kgs when she was weighed a few weeks ago to just over 24kgs when she was weighed yesterday.

now we need to to try and build her up...put some weight back on her tiny little body so next time she gets sick she, at least, has something to fight with.

i think there will be lots of cuddles and kisses and just loving our little girl this week.

so probably not a lot of scrapping being done
(i did get to read lots of scrapping mags in the hospital though and answered lots of questions from nurses and other mums in the ward about scrapping)

thank you again everyone.

~*~ shazz ~*~
xox

UPDATE 2

kait was admitted to hospital with suspected rotar virus.
she is severely dehydrated, has lost almost 3 kgs and is one very ill little girl.
just before i left the hospital they were ringing the paediatrician to get him to order more blood tests...she has broken out in a rash and they are testing for the nasties (menningicoccal for one)

mark is up with her now so i can come home and get some sleep as i have been up since 3 a.m. this morning.
i suspect if they find anything too nasty in her system i will be back up there before morning.

so please....keep my sweet baby girl in your thoughts and prayers.

thanks
~*~ shazz ~*~
xox

UPDATE

kait is still quite ill. her excursion on sunday isn't looking promising.
FINALLY got her in to see a doctor yesterday and got the standard "it's just a virus and will have to run it's course" line.
her paediatrician is away at a conference until monday so if she doesn't go on the excursion (and i pray that she will be well enough to go because she will be heartbroken if she can't) i will call him and get him to see her.
i think he will because the weight has just dropped off her again.
when i had her in the bath the other night she looked up at me and said "i look like a bag of bones mummy".
my poor baby...i just want her to be well again.

actually...i just want her to be well FULLSTOP.
no more illness; no more "failure to thrive"; no more being so weak that she can barely move.

my heartfelt thanks to each and everyone of you that left messages or emailed me
(specially my gorgeous girls marie and ruthy)

i hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
and all the best to the gorgeous chris millar who is having her big crop day tomorrow in brissy....wish i could be there matey....i am sure it will be a blast.
give all the girls a big hug from me, ok...???

~*~ shazz ~*~
xox

MY BABY IS ILL

poor kait is ill again.
i swear it was only the space of 30 minutes last night from when she said, "mummy i feel sick" to when she was throwing up violently, shivering, high temps.
it's these times i would give anything to swap places with her.

we put her into bed with us last night and while mark and i were both lying there this morning, watching her breathe, mark said how thin she was....and she is.
her paediatric appointment is a month away but i can't see that her weight will have increased at all since her last appointment almost 3 months ago.

most people say that she is just thin/fine/tiny and be thankful we aren't battling a weight problem with her at the other end of the scale like many families are these days.
but these people don't know her history (see here)
and as her paediatrician says, had she not had the head injury and the ongoing problems with migraines and these violent bouts of vomitting, he would probably say that yes...she is just thin/fine/tiny.
his theory is that maybe the head injury caused "something" in her head to be altered but all the neurological tests that she has had have all been clear.
the next step will be a visit to a neurologist in either brisbane or sydney where they will do more extensive testing (and unfortunately quite invasive) tests on her brain.
that's a step neither mark nor i want to contemplate at the moment.

thankfully she is sleeping again at the moment. she looks so tiny and frail lying in our big queen size bed.
i just hope whatever is wrong with her will soon pass because she is supposed to be going on her big school excursion next week.
she was so upset last night thinking that maybe she will miss out.

fingers crossed, prayers sent skyward and all the positive vibes i can muster for my baby girl that she will be well again soon.

have a great day everyone

~*~ shazz ~*~
xox

NOTHING MORE TO SAY

what can i say that hasn't already been said about the untimely death of steve irwin.
love or hate the man, no one can ever underestimate the impact he had on australian culture or the way we looked at the more "unseemly" animals that we share this earth with.

death is supposed to happen to the old and the ill.
not to young vibrant dads, who love life and live it to the fullest.
my initial shock and disbelief has been replaced by a numbness that comes from knowing that someone so young and semmingly indestructable is now gone from our midst.

i watched the repeat of his interview with andrew denton last night.
i was glad the kids were in bed and mark was still at work.
it gave me a chance to do a bit of grieving for a man i didn't know personally but whose death affected me as much as if i had lost a friend.
i laughed till i cried and i cried till i laughed.

my thoughts go to his wife terri, his children bindi sue and little bob; his dad; his close friends; his employees and the millions of people who felt like he was their mate.

as one of the talkback hosts said this morning "we are all a little poorer today at his passing but so much the richer by having had him in our lives"
i really do feel like i have lost a friend.

rest in peace steve.

~*~ shazz ~*~
xox

SOMETIMES...

...it is the simple things in life that are the best.

the song playing from my sidebar is one of these things.

a simple song, with simple lyrics, sung simply by a woman with a simply stunning voice.

love it....hope you enjoy it too.

here's to the simple things in life.

have a wonderful day

~*~ shazz ~*~
xox

OUCHIES!!! + LAYOUTS + NEWS

this is our driveway.

it's steep.
it causes many of our family and friends great problems when they try and back down it (not sure why)
in the wet it can be very slippery - as i painfully found out yesterday.
on my way down to get the bins yesterday and check the mail, i slipped and fell.
landed on my butt (thankfully IT is well padded), my left hip, elbow, shoulder and hit my head on the rocks that line the driveway. i think i was momentarily knocked out and i had to sit in the driveway on my bum, for about 15 minutes before i even attempted to get up.
saw lots of pretty stars buzzing around in front of my eyes so i sat there until the stars went away.
good thing we live in a quiet cul-de-sac and none of the neighbours drove by.
i must have looked a sight sitting on my bum, covered in mud, in the wet and bawling my eyes out.
the scrapper in me thought it might have made an interesting pic for a layout.
HMMMMMMMMMMMM !!!!!
the rest of me was just hurt and bruised and embarrassed.
needless to say i am a little sore and tender in parts today.

here are a few layouts i did while i was on the Scrap Heap SWIG last month with the gorgeous ruthy and diana.

i love this pic of kait and i have scrapped it a few times. the heart is hand-stitched and the flower trim has been in my stash for a while now just waiting for the "right" LO to use it on.
i think this is it.


this is a pic that matt and jake took on our camera as a reminder of them before mark and i went away for a few days to a wedding over easter.
i love this pic of them cause i think it shows their personalities - crazy, goofy and oh-so-lovable.


this photo of my nana and old bean was given to me by my step-mum after she had it copied off the original. for some reason dad's sisters and all my cousins were given pics of the wedding after nana passed away but sadly i didn't receive any so dad has made copies of all the pics he has and given them to me.
thank you daddy.
i love this pic - nana and old bean look so beautiful on their special day.


the amount of laughing we did i am surprised that any of us got anything done.
thanks to ruthy and diana for their advice on these LOs.
i also purchased 2 more D ring albums last week for my LOs so they aren't all crowded into one. it is a pleasure to look through them now.

and my news.....i have resigned my DT position at the craft attic.
lots of reasons why - none that i am prepared to go into - but i will enjoy doing some scrapping "just for me" for a while.

i hope you are all having a great tuesday and are getting some of this lovely rain we are getting here on the far north coast.
take care.
time for me to limp out to the ironing board and get some more ironing done.

~*~ shazz ~*~
xox

TAKING THE GOOD WITH THE BAD.

my baby sister louise arrived on friday afternoon with her husband chris and their sweet baby girl. bianca.
i can't tell you how excited i was that louise was coming to stay. raised in seperate homes (she is the only daughter from dad's marriage to erica, my step-mum) we are so similar in the things we like and the things we don't; what makes us smile and what makes us cry; we both scrap; we both married men who are similar in appearance; she knows when i need a shoulder to cry on and often rings me when i am feeling low; we both have a very weird sense of humour and will often laugh at things that no-one else does.
it was just so good to have her near and to be able to sit and chat over a coffee; to be able to watch her with my kids and for me to be able to spoil bianca and teach her a few naughty things (hey that's what weird older aunts are for isn't it...???)
i missed her as soon as they drove away this morning and i admit....i shed more than a few tears after they backed down the drive.
a good thing though....her and chris have been looking at houses and job prospects up this way. how totally cool will it be if they move closer.
hells bells....i would settle for her being only a few hours drive away instead of a whole day.

it is the annual heli rescue collection day in our area today. as a family we have been collectors for years and it is our way of supporting a service that we believe is vital to our area.
thankfully we have never needed to use it, but we have come close a few times when the kids have been very ill and possibly needed transporting to brisbane.
our company also is the main computer support for the service and they are probably one of our biggest clients so we have ties to the service in that respect as well.
i worked the admin side today - booking in collectors and counting money on their return.
mark and the kids went out collecting and between the four of them collected over $600.00.
I am so proud of them.
knowing that service is there is very comforting to me and i just pray that we never need it's services.

on the bad side, it was my mum's birthday yesterday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM !!!
i tried several times to call her and all i got was an earful of abuse from the idiot that she lives with that she claims to love and who, she claims, loves her.
he told me yesterday, in no uncertain terms, what he thought of me and that he wasn't surprised seeing my mum was the same type of person.
i just can't comes to terms that this woman who raised me to be a proud and strong woman is involved with a man who is abusive to her in every respect.
i just hope he is worth it because i will no longer allow my children to see mum and she chooses not to come to my house to visit.
mark and i have both reached out to help her and each and every time she has returned to be with him.
the hardest part is that she chooses to stay with this man despite the fact that she has lost the respect of me, and mark but most of all my children. mum was once so close to my kids and we spent most weekends at her house or she was here with us. i can't tell you the last time she even visited our home or spoke to the kids.
i have never felt such a heavy burden weighing on my heart and i fear each time the phone rings that it will be someone telling me that he has finally killed her.
it is a bad situation and will only end badly i fear.
if it wasn't for the fact that it was my mum caught up in the whole unsavoury mess, i would just turn my back and walk away.
unfortunately i just don't know where to to from here or how i can help her.
like i said, the hardest part is knowing that she stays with him by choice because lord knows we have done everything we can to help her get out of the situation.
sorry if that all sounded a bit "rambly" - it was train-of-thought kinda thinking.

so that is the good with the bad for the past few days of my life.
i can only hope that the good keeps getting better and that the bad doesn't get any worse.

thank you to all of you who have emailed me or messaged me or left comments.
the support i get from my cyber friends is so important to me keeping my sanity some days.

i hope to get back to some scrapping in the next week.

i hope you all have a wonderful week.
i am going to REALLY try to look for the good in each day.

~*~ shazz ~*~
xox

p.s. good luck to rozzie who is goig in for a little op next tuesday.
i am pretty sure that she doesn't read my blog but i do hope that things go well for her and that she receives some good news with the results.

SORRY...!!!

i am sorry if i worried anyone.

thank you to everyone who left a comment or emailed me, especially my gorgeous, but faraway friend, marie.

have a lot going on at the moment - things i cannot change, things i just have to accept, dealing with people who i allow to bring me down with just one word.

but the line is drawn in the sand now - and i will not allow these things to cross that line and impact on my life anymore or the life of my family who deserve better.

again my thanks.....
onward and upward from here on in......
to a better day, a better life and a better me.

have a wonderful day

~*~ shazz ~*~
xox

p.s. and a HUGE thank you to my friend, who shall remain nameless, who has left such beautiful words of support on my mobile.
you know who you are, you know how i feel about you and you know what a powerful influence you are in my life.

THANK YOU
xo