it has been a difficult day.
let me just say that if someone had told me 10 years ago that i would close my garage door when i knew my mother was coming to visit and pretend i was not at home, i would have laughed in that person's face.
but that's what i did today after my mother called me to tell me she was coming to see me and asked would i be home.
that was after i copped an earful of abuse as to why her sad sorry excuse for a life was my fault (still trying to work THAT one out)
and then she asked if i could lend her some money (still looking for the atm slot i apparently have on my body that she thinks dispenses cold hard cash)
so i lied and said i had to buy kait her school uniform and closed the garage door and pretended i wasn't home.
i had to explain to my kids why i didn't want to see their grandma - the woman who we visited every weekend up until about 8 years ago - and that really hurt. the kids are great and they try to understand and they all gave me a cuddle and my darling matt just hugged me and told me that it was all gonna be ok.
the fact is, i miss my mum.
i miss that i can't call her up and talk to her about things.
i miss that i can't call her up for a recipe or some advice or just to say hello.
i am so sad that my kids don't understand why their grandma just stopped visiting.
i am so sorry that i promised my step-dad, as he took his last breath on this earth, that i would look after my mum and i feel like i have let him down so terribly.
i hate the fact that mark wakes up at night to find me sobbing and he can do nothing to stop the hurt and pain i feel.
i wish i could move on and leave all the crap behind me but how do you move on from your mum...???
but enough of the miseries.
i have three gorgeous children.
a kind, loving and supportive husband.
a roof over my head and food on the table and clothes on my back.
lots of wonderful, fabulous, gorgeous friends.
i am so blessed.
on a brighter note
GUESS WHAT???
i am having a lo scrapped by the absolutely fabulous karen ridgeway.
after leaving a rather embarrassing, begging, pleading post on her blog she has a whole list of people she has offered to scrap a lo for and
I AM ONE OF THEM !!!!!
i was so excited and i made all the kids come and read the post to make sure i wasn't reading it wrong.
I have admired and been inspired by karen's work for ever so long and now i will have an original karen ridgeway lo.
how cool is THAT...???
now i just have to chose a pic for her to scrap.
i hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
may it be filled with happiness, rainbows, butterflies and lots of beauty
~*~ shazz ~*~
let me just say that if someone had told me 10 years ago that i would close my garage door when i knew my mother was coming to visit and pretend i was not at home, i would have laughed in that person's face.
but that's what i did today after my mother called me to tell me she was coming to see me and asked would i be home.
that was after i copped an earful of abuse as to why her sad sorry excuse for a life was my fault (still trying to work THAT one out)
and then she asked if i could lend her some money (still looking for the atm slot i apparently have on my body that she thinks dispenses cold hard cash)
so i lied and said i had to buy kait her school uniform and closed the garage door and pretended i wasn't home.
i had to explain to my kids why i didn't want to see their grandma - the woman who we visited every weekend up until about 8 years ago - and that really hurt. the kids are great and they try to understand and they all gave me a cuddle and my darling matt just hugged me and told me that it was all gonna be ok.
the fact is, i miss my mum.
i miss that i can't call her up and talk to her about things.
i miss that i can't call her up for a recipe or some advice or just to say hello.
i am so sad that my kids don't understand why their grandma just stopped visiting.
i am so sorry that i promised my step-dad, as he took his last breath on this earth, that i would look after my mum and i feel like i have let him down so terribly.
i hate the fact that mark wakes up at night to find me sobbing and he can do nothing to stop the hurt and pain i feel.
i wish i could move on and leave all the crap behind me but how do you move on from your mum...???
but enough of the miseries.
i have three gorgeous children.
a kind, loving and supportive husband.
a roof over my head and food on the table and clothes on my back.
lots of wonderful, fabulous, gorgeous friends.
i am so blessed.
on a brighter note
GUESS WHAT???
i am having a lo scrapped by the absolutely fabulous karen ridgeway.
after leaving a rather embarrassing, begging, pleading post on her blog she has a whole list of people she has offered to scrap a lo for and
I AM ONE OF THEM !!!!!
i was so excited and i made all the kids come and read the post to make sure i wasn't reading it wrong.
I have admired and been inspired by karen's work for ever so long and now i will have an original karen ridgeway lo.
how cool is THAT...???
now i just have to chose a pic for her to scrap.
i hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
may it be filled with happiness, rainbows, butterflies and lots of beauty
~*~ shazz ~*~
9 comments:
Oh Shazz I feel for you but have no words to make you feel better. How lucky you are to have your photo scrapped by someone you admire, lucky you. Feel better.
Trish
I think my sister does similar things. Glad that you feel better now. How lucky were you to get some photos scrapped by karen.
Wow lucky you shazz to get some pics scrapped by Karen!! Woohooo!!
With your mum stuff - hang in there and do what you need to do to look after YOU ok!! Shari xxx
How awful for you Shazzy, family can be very trying at times.
I'm so glad Karen is scrapping a layout for you, you deserve to be cheered up!!!
Big hugs Shazz! It's hard when it's family, but if it was a friend making you feel miserable then you wouldn't think twice about removing them from your life. So don't feel guilty! Embrace your wonderful, loving family!
And yay about Karen scrapping a layout for you!
Shazz, I'm so sorry to hear about the problems you've been having with your Mum. I wish I could say something to help. I do agree with Chris - just because someone is family does not give them the right to make your life miserable. Big hugs. Kathie
Relationships are as easy as said and done. For all the disoppointments I have had with some of my family relationships have made me more determine to not be like that to my own children, when they're grown. Cause hey girl, we know how its feels. Hope things pan out over time for you and your mum. Look forward to your LO from Karen. What a lovely honour!
Hugs - Ruthy x
That post should read 'aren't as easy as said and done'
Ruthy
P,s, that will teach me to preview. LOL!
I wish I could reach through this darn thing and give you a Hug Shazz!! I don't know why some people have to be so toxic in our lives... my heart goes out to you sweet and I wish there was an easy answer for you {{{HUG}}}
I'm so happy you had something to make you smile today though - Can't wait to see what amazing things Karen does for you!!
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