I MISS YOU

nana and i - christmas day 1995

you would think that after 11 years i would have stopped missing you;
but i haven't.
you would think that after 11 years i wouldn't reach for the phone everytime i wanted to share some news;
but i still do.
you would think that after 11 years the hurt and pain of your loss would be a little less; but it is still as raw and and painful as the day you left.
you would think that after 11 years my heart would be a little less broken when i think of all the wonderful things i want to share with you and can't;
but my heart still aches for you.
you would think that after 11 years i would have found another confidante that i could tell anything to;
but i haven't.
you would think that after 11 years i could think of you and not immediately have my eyes fill with tears;
but i can't.

i miss you my darling nana.
i miss your arms hugging me and telling me things would all be ok, even when you knew they wouldn't.
i miss our chats on the phone almost daily - you were always so interested in what i was doing; what my family was up to.
i miss our visits to the coffee shop so you could have your cup of tea and scone.
i miss taking you for drives - you always had such a good time.
i miss you laugh, and you smile and the way you called me "sharry"

i am so sorry i never got to say goodbye.
i am so sorry that i couldn't speak at your funeral.
i am so sorry you never got to see my boys grow up or to see what a beautiful angel my kait has become - and you did believe she was an angel.
i am so sorry i didn't push harder for you to see a doctor when i knew you were so ill.

i miss you nana
xxoo

DT PROJECTS

here are the first of my RJR projects in full living colour.

this is a KaiserCraft Christmas Countdown Tree.
jenny has them in the shop.
i covered it in the delicious BasicGrey Figgy Pudding PPs.
just delicious and double-sided to boot.
i have a love/hate relationship with double-sided PPs....i love using them but hate that one side has to be forsaken.

this is a close up of the star on top of my tree - i covered it in this gorgeous handmade gold paper i have that was given to me many years ago.
the jewels are Kaiser Bling available from jenny too.
the ribbon you can get here.
i curled the ribbon using ribbon stiff and twisting the ribbon around a pencil until it dried.
i love that it looks like candy canes.

these are the cards i made using more beautiful RJR ribbons, bling and the amazing Kaiser laser cut embellies. also lots of buttons, some stickers and rub-ons.
i just love the way they turned out and i have earmarked them to give to some certain special people.
i think the PPs are Bo Bunny Press.
very christmasy anyways.

i have a few more projects to share once they are finished - soon jen *grin*
pop over to the RJR blog to see what all the other DT girls have done - AMAZING !!!

i hope everyone is having a great weekend so far.
kait has been out partying all day with my dad and step-mum so we will be putting our tree up tomorrow.
and i also have HEAPS of christmas scrapping to do + cards to write in + taking christmas pics of the kids - i already have some simply GORGEOUS ones of matt, taken today when he was all dressed up to head out to the local race day.
it certainly is a busy time of the year.

remember to look for the things in your life that make you smile
~~ and let those you love, know that you do ~~

shazz xo

HAPPY THOUGHT FOR TODAY
the love of family and friends.
no matter how hopeless things can seem at ttimes, sometimes all you have to do is reach out and ask for a helping hand or a friendly ear.

IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS....

i have FINALLY completed some of my RJR DT projects....it was just another month where the gods seemed to be conspiring against me (in many more ways than i could ever tell you) and i was late in getting my projects sent off to jenny.
do i need a note jen...????

jen also has a great new range of heidi swapp ribbons at a really great price so check those out while you are there.

i have placed an order with jen today so i can't wait to get hold of all the goodies i have ordered.
some ribbons, some felt ribbon and some OTP kaiser craft goodies.

so until jen puts my projects up on her blog, here are a few sneak peeks.

a countdown tree made of delicious BG figgy pudding papers

every christmas tree needs a beautiful star on the top

"and the stockings were hung by the chimney with care"

buttons, bling and even more buttons

hope you have all had a great monday.
happy scrapping and remember...
look for the things in your life that make you smile
~~ and let those you love, know that you do ~~

shazz xo

HAPPY THOUGHT FOR TODAY
i have all but finished my christmas shopping.
just a few more laybys to collect but i do have HEAPS and HEAPS of scrapping to get done before the robust jolly gentleman arrives.

TAGGED

the gorgeous tracy has tagged me and even though i have completed this tag before i will see if i can come up with 7 new random things about me.

no rules either about linking people and the like.
if you want to take part in this tag, do so on your own blog and just pop back here and let me know.

ok.....7 "new" random things about me that maybe you didn't know.

-> i only ever wagged school once - to line up to get tickets at the local cinema to see "Grease". along with my friends we got the last ten tickets available.

-> i had my appendix out when i was 20 years old.

-> i found out i had another younger brother only two years ago.
we "clicked" immediately and it is like he is a part of me and always has been.

-> i was by my step-dad's bedside and my maternal grandmother's bedside when they passed away.

-> i used to sit on my hair when i was 13.

-> i have had over $10,000 worth of work done on my teeth after a dentist caused them to become crooked and weakened after pulling out the wrong tooth when i was 12.

-> i once performed CPR on a little boy that my friend and i dragged from a backyard pool but sadly he passed away.

so there you go....random things about me that maybe you didn't know.
hope that you are all having a great weekend and getting all that christmas scrapping and preparation done.
i am behind on my RJR DT stuff - it's almost finished jen...i promise.
while you wait for it to appear on jenny's blog (go and see all the beautiful designs the other wonderful DT girls have come up with), pop over and check out all the gorgeous christmas ribbons and goodies she has on offer.

remember to look for the things in your life that make you smile
~~ and let those you love, know that you do ~~

shazz xo

HAPPY THOUGHT FOR TODAY
playing games with kait and mark earlier tonight. the boys are both out for the night and after dinner we played a couple of board games.

AN ANNIVERSARY OF SORTS....

it was 27 and 1/2 years ago today that, on the prompting of my friend danielle, i peered over my english text book and saw the most beautiful set of brown eyes looking at me from across the room.

danielle whispered to me that she was sure they were looking at me but if they weren't, she wanted to meet the guy who had those eyes.
everytime i looked up from my work and glanced over that way, those big gorgeous brown eyes were staring back at me.
and then at the end of the lesson he stood up and boy...did he have the cutest butt too...LOL
why had i never noticed this boy before...???

at lunch i saw him talking to one of the guys i was friends with and when he walked away i casually wandered over and asked my friend who he was.

"what's going on with you two?" asked my friend, "he was just asking about you !!!"

later that lunchtime, my friend dragged the guy with those big brown eyes over to me and said, "you two obviously have things to talk about"

his name was mark. he played soccer. he sailed catamarans with his father. his family owned one of the bigger car dealerships in town. he had two older sisters and a younger brother.

by the end of lunch we had swapped phone numbers.

every lunchtime after that, he came and sat with me and we talked.
i had lots going on in my life at that point in time. ian, my cousin, who had lived with us and was like a big brother to me, had been caught in singapore with drugs and there was so much tension at home as we fought the authorities to get him out of jail.

i was still broken and fragile and probably a little out of control after years of abuse as a child.
i didn't trust many people but this guy had a way of making feel like i was special and important and that i mattered.

it took a few weeks for him to eventually ask me out. we went to the cinema to see ice castles.
that first date we didn't even kiss...he just sat with his arm around my shoulder and after the movie was over, he held my hand as we left the cinema.
i can remember thinking that maybe had decided he didn't really like me after all because, as we all know, the gauge of whether a boy likes you when you are 16, is whether they kiss, or in some cases, attempt to kiss you.

but the lunchtime visits continued, and the occasional phone call.
and the rumour mill of 16 year olds and the bitchiness of teenage girls, as it does, worked overtime.
girls walked up to me at school and told me he liked someone else too and was trying to choose between us. being the person i was at that time, i spent hours at night crying and writing these painful letters to him (which i never sent), begging him to pick me over whoever this other girl was, promising that i would always love him.
looking back i must have looked so desperate and dateless.

a few weeks later i was at the beach with my family and i looked up to see this figure running up the beach towards us. it all sounds so corny and so cliche but i can still remember what he was wearing and what i had on too.
i introduced him to my mum and step-dad, we sat on the beach and talked.
when mum called me to go, he leaned over, put his hand on my cheek and kissed me.
it wasn't a passionate, "from-here-to-eternity" rolling-in-the-sand kiss, but a gentle first kiss.
i will never forget how i felt but i do remember thinking one thing.....

"this is the man i will spend the rest of my life with"

and the rest, so they say, is history
and here we are.....
3 kids,
2 dogs,
a mortgage,
a business,
almost 21 years of marriage
later.

mark and i at my 21st in 1985
look how young and in love and skinny we were...LOL
(i looked for some earlier photos of us but tis is all i could find)

so happy anniversary to us darl.
the road to this point hasn't always been an eight lane highway.
in fact at times it has resembled a country lane full of potholes.
but i still do love you.
thank you for 27 1/2 years of happiness and love, tears and joy, friendship and laughter.
thank you for our three beautiful children and fulfilling my dream of being part of a loving family.
thank you for believing in me when no one else did.
thank you for standing by me when no one else would.
thank you for being my anchor when the stormy seas of life got really really rough.

have a wonderful day everyone
and remember to look for the things in your life that make you smile
~~ and let those you love, know that you do ~~

shazz xo

HAPPY THOUGHT FOR TODAY
he loves me
he loves me not
he loves me
he loves me not

no.....he really does love me !!!!

THE SONG SAYS IT ALL

weren't they just the cutest little bugs you ever did see...???
this LO has been in my head for ages and it came together in about an hour which is quick for me.

i have lots to update but also lots to keep me busy - EMMie scrapping, christmas gifts and cards, DT projects for RJR - (plus lots on my mind at the moment which is seriously messing with my head - hence the change in my choice of song - i'm just a little bit "over" being "easy-going-shazz") so i hope to find some balance over the weekend and get an update done.

have a great weekend everone and remember....to look for the things in your life that make you smile
~~ and let those you love, know that you do ~~

shazz xo

HAPPY THOUGHT FOR TODAY
jake has finished his school certificate and feels he has done well. he is SO happy to be finished with history and geography and science - his least favourite subjects - and was doing the "happy dance" when he arrived home from those exams this past week.
although he is 100% sure he is going onto year 11 and 12, i feel like another chapter of his schooling life has closed which is kinda sad (for me anyways)

SCRAPPING SHARING

this is the last of my EMMie projects for October.
YAY !!!

this was based on a sketch by sara one of the EMM DT members.
who would have thought a pic with such bright colours in it would have worked so well with a green/pink/white colour combo...???

this is my OTP project for September/October.
it is a baby journal for the daughter of my friend at work. i hope she likes it.
man i HATE doing OTP projects. yet there are some people who just LOVE to do them. i really struggle to do them every two months for the EMMies, i can tell you.

only 7 more sleeps until the EMM retreat and i have SO much to get done. ATCs, kits to pack, chocolate stash to buy....LOL
plus i have been busy tying hundreds of ribbon bows for my ribbon hat which is part of the saturday night fun and frivolity.

anyway....i just realised the time....OMG...!!!
i better toddle off to bed....have a great thursday and remember to look for the things in your life that make you smile
~~ and let those you love, know that you do ~~

shazz xo

HAPPY THOUGHT FOR TODAY
mark's aunt ruthie, uncle colin and aunt helen are visiting from victoria and i am making a quick trip up to bruns (brunswick heads) to see them on saturday.
they are staying with mark's other aunt joanie and i am SO looking forward to catching up with these gorgeous and amazing people who have welcomed me so lovingly into their family.

ONE DAY,,,

this is my BOM (Book of Me) LO for the october EMMies.
we had to scrap somewhere that we would like to travel.
not as adventurous as some people but it's my dream.

i hope that the week so far has been good to you
remember to look for the things in your life that make you smile
~~ and let those you love, know that you do ~~

shazz xo

HAPPY THOUGHT FOR TODAY
i had a visit from my dear old dad and my step-mum today.
and despite dad and i having a little tiff over something really trivial, it is so good to have them near to us and able to visit.
i love you daddy....with all my heart xxoo

ISN'T SHE JUST....

...a picture of poise and elegance.

this is a LO i did of kait competing at the Surfers Paradise Interclub for physie early in august this year.
(i used the floral challenge pack from EMM)

this was the last comp that she would compete as a novice because at the zone comp last weekend she finalled (they compete twice and then the top 16 girls are chosen to compete in the final before the top 5 girls are chosen to move onto sydney in november)
and even though she didn't win a place, it was her goal (and my fervent hope) that she would final and she did !!!!!
i was so very very proud of her and cried like a baby when she marched out with the other 15 little girls that finaled as well.

and when you consider the fact that she has spent every day since, with her head in a bucket with this dreaded gastro bug, well i am just so very very proud of her acheivements.

hope that everyone is having a really wonderful weekend so far.
remember to look for the things in your life that make you smile
~~ and let those you love, know that you do ~~

shazz xo

HAPPY THOUGHT FOR TODAY
no one in our family currently has their head in a bucket.
a pretty gross thing to be happy about but after almost 2 weeks of this awful gastro bug making us all so ill, i am just grateful for a spew/poo free day
ROTFL !!!!!

STRUGGLING - AGAIN !!!!

again i am struggling with the whole scrapping "thing"
i feel like i am on the verge of really getting comfortable with the way i scrap - a bit like standing on the edge of a really high cliff and i know that if i step off i will be able to soar but it's just taking that first step that is holding me back.
what am i scared of...???
i honestly don't know.

i gave up years ago scrapping to please others - magazines never seemed to want to publish my work and the two times i have been on DT teams have probably been my two flashes of brilliant scrapping.

i have so many LOs of other people bookmarked; ideas of how i would like to scrap stuck in an ideas book; computer book marks of inspirational sites - so why can't i just get in and scrap and get my "groove thang" happening.

but when i think about why i scrap - to tell the story of my family for them and for future generations - i know that i am achieving this goal.
kait LOVES to sit and look through the albums. she laughs and giggles at the pictures and the journalling.
mark, matt and jakey are rather non-plussed about the whole scrapping thing i think.
"nice page" is probably the most encouraging comment any of them have ever given me.

so why do i scrap besides the archiving of our family's history and preserving the memories and the moments...???
well for one, i can't imagine NOT scrapping.
i like the whole process of telling the story behind the photo.
i love the creative process of scrapping.

but still i feel like i am holding back from scrapping in the way i want.
and i don't know how to allow that creativity to flow and develop.

please don't think i am fishing for compliments about my scrapping - i know it's not brilliant.
but if you can give me any suggestions about how to release the scrapping goddess within, feel free to do so.

sorry if this has been a bit rambly. i just needed to get my thoughts down and i hoped they would make some sort of sense once they were out of my head - well THAT didn't happen now did it...????
i am exhausted after a week of the dreaded gastro bug laying me low and now both kait and matt have it and i am averaging only a few hours sleep a night while i empty buckets, mop fevered brows, dole out flat lemonade and sit and worry about them.
i guess mark and jakey will be lining up for their turn in the next few days.
it is a nasty bug.

i also love the concept behind "blogging without obligation" hence i have placed a blinkie (is that what they are called..???) in my sidebar.
thanks to the lovely megan who inadvertantly lead me to this wonderful guilt-free way of blogging.

remember to look for the things in your life that make you smile
~~ and let those you love, know that you do ~~

shazz xo

HAPPY THOUGHT FOR TODAY
there is rain on the way - YAY !!!!!
&
jakey topped the WHOLE of year 10 in his trial school certificate maths paper.
we are SO proud of our beautiful son.

~*~ FOREVER YOUNG ~*~

COREY - PAUL
MITCH - BRYCE
*OUR BOYS*
~ forever young ~

it's been 12 months today since we lost our boys.
12 long months of sorrow and tears and anger and unimaginable grief.
12 long months of questioning "why them?"; "why our community?"; "what went wrong?"
so many questions we will never know the answers to.

my thoughts today have turned to the parents of these four young men - some of them known personally to mark and i.
i think of the siblings of the boys - still struggling to live each day without their brothers.
it has been a difficult day at the school where the boys attended (the school our boys attend(ed) - their mates are sitting their HSC exams today; the staff are still helping some students cope with the first taste of real grief they have known on their short lives - counsellors still attend the school when needed.
i have watched my boys for any signs of "not coping" - boys are a lot more reserved about what they are feeling than girls. they have coped by being with mates and remembering the boys through music.
and today i have thought of the young driver who survived the accident - a friend of our boys - a gentle young man who will carry the burden of that tragic night with him for the rst of his days.
a young man who still has so much more of this journey to travel before being able to make some kind of life for himself, and i pray that he can.

today, more than any other day, is a day to remember to look for the things in your life that make you smile
~~ and let those you love, know that you do ~~

shazz xo

SCRAPPING TO SHARE

i have LOTS of news to share but not a lot of time to write the post so instead i will share some scrapping instead.

this was the last of my EMMie challenges for september.

i LOVE ths pic of my fabbo friend marie - it is so her !!!!! lots and lots and LOTS of cutting up a piece of PP to frame the pic and lots of using up little letter stickers.
i think it looks great though.

rondelle from EMM did me the honour of asking me to be the guest designer for october and she sent me the "Top Up Box" to work with. what a beautifully gorgeous set of papers to work with. she has the top up boxes available in the shoppe.

my challenges revolve around the different ways you can add journalling to a LO.
so far i challenged the girls to use a quote or song lyrics on a LO.

this is my LO for that challenge.

and the second challenge was to interview someone for a LO.

here is my LO using that technique.

i have a few more challenges to set as well as lots of other ideas of how to add journalling to your pages.
and just a little secret too (look at the titles in my two guest DT challenges)
how nice do they look....cut out so nicely.
it's amazing how well a craft robo cuts a title
(mark bought me a craft robo at the PCF...!!!! but more about that in my next "newsy" post)

i am off to visit my friend kirsten today so she can help the blonde in me to put my stampin' up stamps together....just don't feel confident in making that first cut myself.....silly i know !!!!

have a wonderful tuesday and i promise to be back soon with a newsy post and hopefully more scrapping to share.
remember to look for the things in your life that make you smile
~~ and let those you love, know that you do ~~

shazz xo

HAPPY THOUGHT FOR TODAY
SCHOOL HOLIDAYS!!!!
love that lack of routine and rushing and hanging out with the kids, playing games and doing crafts and just taking time to relax and enjoy being a mum.

RJR DT PROJECTS

a quick share of my RJR DT work for this past month.

jenny has an amazing array of products at really great prices so head on over and have a look at what she has to offer. and no.....not just ribbons, although they are gorgeous too.
you should see what goodies she will be sending the DT in time for some christmas scrapping - yummy yum yum.

also check out the gorgeous work that the other DT girls have done too.
i am definitely the rookie of the group.

here are my projects for last month

love this pic of kait warming up before her last physie comp. i used some of the grogeous hand marbled papers made by auntie joanie.
isn't it just GORGEOUS...???

another warm up pic. used some of the kaiser bling that jenny has for sale to create the heart.
probably wouldn't use so many rub ons so late at night again - some of them rub on really well and others of them defy the title of "rub on"

a birthday card for my gorgeous gal-pal tam.
she hasn't received it yet so if you are reading this tam, just pretend you didn't see this part.
used some of the hand marbled paper made by joanie again. she has always been so generous in giving it to me and i love using it.

a quick and simple card using ribbon stiff on the ribbon to allow me to cut out the petals.
and some hand stitching of course.

will post again today or tomorrow with lots more news - both personal and scrapping.

enjoy your sunday and...

GO FORD !!!!!!
(it's bathurst weekend for those of you who don't know)

shazz xo

GRACIOUS IN DEFEAT

the anticipation of victory

the heat of battle
(click on the picture to enlarge it and you will be able to see how heavy the rain was during most of the game)


the agony of defeat
(they lost i nil)

but still able to hold their heads up high and smile.

love you my darling boys and i am so proud of you and your sportsmanship, your loyalty and the love you have for each other

mum
xxoo

(i apologise for the grainy out of focus photos...we were about 10 rows back in the grand stand, using the long lens and no tripod and shivering from the cold)

(the song playing from my side bar "Time of your Life" by Green Day is dedicated to my beautiful boys. this was their first grand final together and this Green Day song was the first sone they ever played together on stage in a concert)

STILL STRUGGLING

with so much scrapping to get done you think my mojo would feel sorry for me and come back and make me a happy girl.......but oh no....!!!!
cheeky little buggar.
i really have so much scrapping to get done and time is running out for me.
hopefully i will have some to share by the end of the weekend.
and i have some exciting news on the scrapping front to share too......
just NOT YET....!!!!

kait participated in the "jump rope for heart" jump off at school yesterday....it was a fantastic display of skipping from EVERY child in the school and lots of "ooohs" and "aaahs" from the parents gathered to watch.
all the kids encouraged each other to do the harder tricks.
here is kait in action.....not great shots as they were so quick and the wind was howling so it was very hard to keep the camera steady without a tripod.

she LOVES to skip this girl of mine.

matt and jake have been preparing all week for their grand final game tomorrow
GO STARS !!!!!
lots of weights and running and ball kicking and pasta meals.
i actually hate the lead up to grand final day....i get sick in the stomach and feel quite nervy and yucky.
just hope it is a fair and just game with the final score being decided on a good game of soccer and not bad reffing decisions or poor sportsmanship.

have a wonderful weekend and remember...
look for the things in your life that make you smile
~~ and let those you love, know that you do ~~

shazz xo

HAPPY THOUGHT FOR TODAY
my mojo is coming back
my mojo IS coming back
MY MOJO IS COMING BACK
MY MOJO IS COMING BACK

POINTS OF INTEREST

* kait is home from her excursion and by all accounts (both hers and her teachers) she had a ball. both mark and i swear she has grown an inch or so in the five days she was gone but it is good to have my sweet baby girl home again.
i sure did miss her.

* matt has decided to stay in australia for the time being. it was very hard to look like the supportive mum while i was secretly cheering inside. he has decided to move into a house with some mates and i can live with that (although they have all hit their parents up for a meal one night of the week - a good way to budget your food $$$s i guess....LOL)
thursday he was offered a traineeship at profile pools which is his "dream job" (unless he can get a gig playing for one of the top soccer teams, which is highly unlikely) so all in all we are all happy campers at the moment.

* spent thursday night in A&E with jake and a suspected broken arm. thankfully it was only severely bruised and needed rest and ice applied. he hurt it playing a game of tackle football at soccer training - what was the coach thinking....???
these boys are a mere 7 days out from a grand final game and he has them playing tackle football for training - GEEEEEZ!!!

* spent wednesday in another town on my own having some much needed "me" time.
it was a day that was a long time coming and much needed.
i came home wednesday night most refreshed and relaxed and a new outlook on things.
thanks to my friend who i called on that day for some much needed advice.
you will never know what your friendship means to me.

* still suffering from these blinding headaches that seem to zap my strength and make me feel tired and just plain BLAH !!!!
mark thinks it might be coffee, well too much of it actually, so i am off coffee (this is day 2) for a few days to see if that makes a difference. the doctor doesn't seem to have any answers for me which makes me angry and frustrated. if i hear one more time..."oh you probably need to rest and not stress so much" i will throttle the medical person who says it.

* my scrapping mojo has gone AWOL.
dunno where it is or why it went but i need it back.
i have RJR DT committments and my EMMies to get done.
so if it's hiding at your place or you pass it on the street, smack it's bum and send it home.

have a wonderful weekend and remember...
look for the things in your life that make you smile
~~ and let those you love, know that you do ~~

shazz xo

HAPPY THOUGHT FOR TODAY
it's the weekend and i love having everyone at home so we can have some quality time together

HOW CUTE ARE THESE....????

my step-mum and sister are attempting to get a business started.
my step-mum is a fantastic sewer and she has been making these cute little aprons for kids with the cutest little figures on them.
they are selling them for $15.00 which includes postage within australia.
the one she gave me to photograph
(and for matt to model...LOL)
has a cow on it but she has patterns designed with pigs and dogs.

close up of the cow design on the front

the aprons are double thickness and the design on the front is hand appliqued on.
the clasp on the side is velcro for easy removal.
just too cute and VERY well made too i might add.

if you are interested in buying one, just contact me via email
shazz64@westnet.com.au
and we will go from there.

have a great tuesday
and remember to look for the things in your life that make you smile
~~ and let those you love, know that you do ~~

shazz xo

HAPPY THOUGHT FOR TODAY
the sun is shining, the washing line is full, my housework is almost completed and it's time to SCRAP !!!!!!!!!

"WINNERS ARE GRINNERS"

and we have the biggest grins on our faces today.

all my boys (mark, matt and jake) just LOVE their soccer.
in fact they eat, breathe and sleep it.
every game they play or see on TV is meticulously pulled apart and analyzed and strategies worked out on how plays can be executed better, how goals that were missed could have been landed in the net and well.....you get my drift.
our house has bags of soccer balls, kitbags filled with socks and "skins" and "shinnies" and boots; water bottles litter the floor of the car; we buy dencorub by the barrel full and we have sports physios on speed dial.
yup.....my boys do love their soccer.

mark played soccer as a young tacker and a teenager and has recently moved from the supportive sideline dad to playing again in a men's team.
matt and jake have both played rep soccer and matt has represented the state in soccer.
matt played in the premier division for palm beach a few years ago which meant travelling to the gold coast three times a week for training and once a week for a game.
both boys have played at a club level since they were 5.

all three of my "boys" have represented their schools in teams.

and now both our sons play in the premier division side in the local comp.
not a bad feat considering that jake is only 16 and matt has struggled with a serious back injury all season.
yup....my boys are committed and determined to be the very best they can be, playing the game that they love.

yesterday was the game that would see the winner between italo stars (our club) and their arch rivals, rovers go straight into the grand final in 2 weeks time.
and this is the sequence of events leading up to the fulltime whistle.

warm up before the game - light kicking to settle their nerves. matt is number 13 and jake is on the far right in the dark blue jacket.
both matt and jake started from the bench and matt took the field with just 20 minutes left in the game and the scores tied at 2 - all.
(jake didn't get to play but was still considered part of the team)

a pep talk at after 20 minutes of extra time and the teams both still locked at 2 - all, from "esso" one of the club stalwarts while both teams prepared for the penalty shootout.
each side was given 5 attempts on goal - the score after the penalty shoot out....
4 goals a piece.
jake is in the blue jacket and matt is sitting on the ground behind the water bottle box.

team jubilation after stars went one up in the "one-for-one" penalty shootout.
stars straight into the grand final in two weeks.

like i said....winners are grinners.

and thanks to everyone who left comments and emailled me about the decision that matt is yet to make about his future.
he wants to sit and talk to mark and i tonight about what he has decided.
i'll let you know what the outcome is.

remember to look for the things in your life that make you smile
~~ and let those you love, know that you do ~~

shazz xo

HAPPY THOUGHT FOR TODAY
my pride in my boys and their amazing committment to the sport they love.

I AM A BAD MOTHER

this is my eldest born child. my beautiful matty who, when he was born, i would have died for.
he is the child who bore the brunt of all my clusmy attempts at being a mum because he was the first born. my clumsy attempts at breast feeding, nappy changing, introducing solids, discipline, preparing him for life's challenges, like starting school, finding a job, looking after himself, being a productive and responsible member of society.
and i will be the first to admit that i haven't been so crash hot in many of those areas.

but people who have contact with him outside our family home tell me that he is a gorgeous boy. he is caring and considerate and polite and diligent in the tasks he is set.

so what that he didn't finish year 12 - maybe that was more about my expectations of him than what he wanted for his own life. but i still feel that i have failed him. maybe i could have given him more support and guidance. maybe i should have fought more for him when the school seemed to give up on him.

despite my misgivings about some of the choices he has made along the way, he has been happy with those choices.

but now it is crunch time.
after months and months of research and preparations on his part, he is now ready to make a decision about the direction his life will take.

today he will decide whether he

• stays here at home and takes up an apprenticeship with a local company
• finds work on the gold coast and moves up there
• or travels to england on his own and lives over there for 12 months

i can live with the first two options but the third option scares the living hell out of me and i have been stressed and sad and fearful about him choosing that option since he first told mark and i about it a few months ago.

i know i bitch and whinge and whine about matt's slovenly, lazy ways.
he and i butt heads constantly over a pair of discarded smelly soccer socks left at the front door for days on end or a glass of milk left to fester and ferment beside his bed or his apparent selfishness when it comes to helping out around the house or keeping his room somewhat tidy.

but the thought of him being over in england, on the other side of the world, alone and on his own feels me with fear and dread and sorrow.
to be honest i find the thought of it heartbreaking.
i think it's the fact he will be on his own and he doesn't know anyone in england at the moment.

mark is all for it and hasn't that caused some fights and tears (on my my part) over the past few months.
"let him go and spread his wings and learn about the real world"
we are smothering him by wanting him to stay"
"he can't live at home forever and have you look after him"

and i know all these things are true but i don't think men understand a mother's heart.
when i look at this fully grown man that is my son, all i see is my little boy....crying to be picked up when he scrapped his knee; clinging to my legs when he wasn't sure of a new situation; snuggling in beside me when he had a nightmare; lying his head on my tummy when i was pregnant with his brother and sister; bringing me flowers he had picked from a prize winning garden on the way home from school because the lady let him when he said they were "for my mummy because she is so beautiful"
so many amazing memories of my little man who is now grown and man in every sense of the word.

how will i ever let him get on a plane and travel to the other side of the world...???
in my heart of hearts i know he has to grow and find his own way in the world but it is a big world and a scary world and it is part of who i am to want to protect my boy and keep him safe.
but i know pressuring him to stay will make him want to go even more so for now i have held my tongue and let mark deal with it and cried myself to sleep more times than i care to count.

i'll let you know his decision.

remember to look for the things in your life that make you smile
~~ and let those you love, know that you do ~~

shazz xo

HAPPY THOUGHT FOR TODAY
my beautiful boy will do well wherever he is.
i just hope "wherever" isn't too far from home.

ANOTHER THURSDAY COME AND GONE

have been doing lots of scrapping but it is all DT work for RJR so i can't share it just yet.
let me just say that my brain has been stretched to it's limits with the products in the pack this month - i just want my work to be original and inspiring.

i'm thankful i have taken the time to make an "ideas" book filled with sketches and ideas of how to scrap different products and ideas for different LOs. and it's nice to have the EMM gallery too where there is never a shortage of talented ladies sharing their inspirational LOs.

it was a L-O-N-G day at work today. for the second week in a row i had no paperwork sent through for the tech i look after (he installs and repairs EFTPOS machines in local businesses) so i had to find things to do. it didn't help that mark was in the office all day so tracey, my co-worker, and i didn't get to play up and laugh and chat like we usually do.

and to top off my day i had a phonecall from a "friend" (and i use that term loosely when it comes to my relationship with her). in the past few years she has become more and more relient on alcohol and has developed a nasty streak where she seems to thinks she can offer advice and comment on what she thinks is wrong with me and my family and my life but won't for one minute take any critisism of her or her family. and not for one minute do i think i am in a position to offer anyone critisism on how they live their life or how they choose to raise their family or live their lives.
i was raised and abused by an alcoholic who spat poison at me and belittled me every chance she got and as a child i was not in a position to do anything about it. but as an adult i am not prepared to accept it now from someone who professes to be my friend and care about me.
was it not for the friendship mark and i have with this person's partner we would have been long gone by now.
so i will now reduce my contact with this person.
she drains my soul and tires me out with her silly little mind games.
sorry to vent but hey.....this is my blog and vent i shall !!!!!

hopefully i will be back with some happier news and some scrapping to share in the next few days

remember to look for the things in your life that make you smile
~~ and let those you love, know that you do ~~

shazz xo

HAPPY THOUGHT FOR TODAY
i have a loving husband, three beautiful children and a life that is far from perfect.
but is the life mark and i have chosen to make for ourselves and our family.