...of not living the life i promised myself i would live.
you know those "pie-in-the-sky" dreams you have when you are younger when you say that "by this age i will have done such-and-such"
i feel like i have let my family down but more importantly i have let myself down.
...of fighting with mark when we should be supporting each other through these tough times.
i am sure we will emerge out the other side of this but until we do, we need to support each other and not tear each other down.
...of not being strong for my dad.
it breaks my heart to see his heart breaking as we enter the last few weeks (or possibly days) of uncle bob's life. i just hope when the time comes, i can be strong for dad and be there for him.
...of not keeping in contact with my friends.
i am not a very happy person at the moment and it is taking all my strength not to sink any deeper into this pit of sorrow and despair that i feel like i am in.
i just don't have the energy to be strong and cheerful.
when i am not at the hospital, i just want to be at home, alone.....sitting with my own thoughts.
and that's probably not a good thing but it's all i can seem to manage at the moment.
....of visiting blogs but rarely leaving comments these days.
my head isn't where it needs to be to leave comments on people's blogs at the moment....i am so filled with anger and frustration and sorrow and tears....i don't think i can muster the energy to leave a comment but reading the blogs of others makes me feel that the world isn't passing me by.
hopefully "normal programming" will return soon.
until then....please enjoy this test pattern.
you know those "pie-in-the-sky" dreams you have when you are younger when you say that "by this age i will have done such-and-such"
i feel like i have let my family down but more importantly i have let myself down.
...of fighting with mark when we should be supporting each other through these tough times.
i am sure we will emerge out the other side of this but until we do, we need to support each other and not tear each other down.
...of not being strong for my dad.
it breaks my heart to see his heart breaking as we enter the last few weeks (or possibly days) of uncle bob's life. i just hope when the time comes, i can be strong for dad and be there for him.
...of not keeping in contact with my friends.
i am not a very happy person at the moment and it is taking all my strength not to sink any deeper into this pit of sorrow and despair that i feel like i am in.
i just don't have the energy to be strong and cheerful.
when i am not at the hospital, i just want to be at home, alone.....sitting with my own thoughts.
and that's probably not a good thing but it's all i can seem to manage at the moment.
....of visiting blogs but rarely leaving comments these days.
my head isn't where it needs to be to leave comments on people's blogs at the moment....i am so filled with anger and frustration and sorrow and tears....i don't think i can muster the energy to leave a comment but reading the blogs of others makes me feel that the world isn't passing me by.
hopefully "normal programming" will return soon.
until then....please enjoy this test pattern.
shazz
xo
xo
5 comments:
Thinking of you and sending you big hugs.
Janine xxx
Oh Shazzy -
I am sorry you are feeling sad and angry :o(
If you need to talk - I am here
Lots of hugs and kisses
Kel xxx
Hey gorgeous,
Reading your post today brought a little tear to my eye. I have been in that nasty place you're at so many times and it seems more often than not lately.
I'm not going to offer you any pearls of wisdom, advice or sage words. I am just going to let you know that I understand (in a small way) where you are at, to let you know that you are LOVED by so many people and to tell you that you inspire me soooo much and I love your wicked sense of humour.
I hope you come back to yourself soon.
hugs and love
Jxx
PS - Wishing and hoping you can come to retreat because it sounds like you need it right now!
HI darls,
Sending you the hugest hugs!
You know that I think that you are so special. try to keep your chin up and always remember you are loved!
take care and you know that I am always here..... always
love Tam
{{{{Hugs}}}} Shazz. I'm thinking of you and missing the happy Shazz terribly! I'm here for you if you need a chat. Hang in there mate - the rainbow will appear one of these days :)
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